Super Frat

Feb25

Ira’s Drunken Recipes: Hamburgers

by tonyd on February 25, 2013 at 12:01 am

Ingredients: Frozen hamburger patties, English Muffins, a barbecue, one bottle of coconut rum, a can of pineapple, cola.

Step 1: Find bottle of coconut rum in back of pantry, decide to make pina coladas.

Step 2: Discover can of pineapple rings, open and pour juice into glass with rum.

Step 3: Decide that’s close enough to a pina colada, drink three of them.

Step 4: Get hungry, decide to have luau because that would go with coconut drink.

Step 5: Discover luaus are too my work, find frozen beef patties instead.

Step 6: Light gas grill, while drinking fourth pina colada.

Step 7: Put burgers on grill, check pantry for buns.

Step 8: Cannot find buns. Decide English Muffins are close enough.

Step 9: Run out of pineapple juice, eat pineapple rings while chugging coconut rum from bottle.

Step 10: Notice smoke coming from gas grill.

Step 11: Discover patties are burned on one side, but nearly raw on the other.

Step 12: Place burned patty on muffin, take bite.

Step 13: Choke on charred meat, vomit onto grill.

Step 14: Turn off grill, close lid.

Step 15: Make drunken attempt to hide shameful barbecue accident.

Step 16: Finish bottle of rum. Ignore smell and complaints about burning vomit.

Step 17: Pass out with partially eaten English Muffin burger in hand.

└ Tags: barbecue, burger, coconut rum, comedy, English Muffin, funny, grill, hamburger, humor, Ira's Drunken Recipes, pina colada, pineapple, recipes, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, vomit

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Feb24

Your Fratoscope: February 24, 2013

by tonyd on February 24, 2013 at 1:09 am

If your birthday is this week: Your family will finally hold an intervention about all the time you’ve spent watching Downton Abbey.

Aries: This week, you will run out of Russian dressing. You’ll be forced to bandage your Russian with something else.

Taurus: That guy that keeps trash talking you on Xbox finally gets pwnd when you bang his girlfriend during a GTA session and put the headset on her.

Gemini: Trash talk on Xbox leads to an end of your current relationship.

Lemini: You will discover that the “wizard” you met behind the pet store isn’t a wizard, but his weed is still pretty boss.

Cancer: The stars say, that guy that used to beat you up in high school will be your pizza delivery guy. Enjoy.

Leo: Don’t eat to the bottom of your soup or you’ll see the finger. Otherwise, it’s pretty good soup.

Virgo: Your cat will demand full medical coverage.

Libra: The FDA won’t approve your cancer drug, mostly because they insist it’s just cola mixed with chocolate syrup.

Scorpio: A dispute over a parking lot space will lead to sex in the back of a Nissan Altima. The sex will be good, but you still won’t get the space.

Sagittarius: Kayne West will suddenly burst into your apartment looking for his sunglasses, when you suggest that maybe he left them in his car, he snaps his fingers, says “Yes!” and runs out.

Capricorn: Nothing happens to you this week, other than you stay in your coma.

Aquarius: After a car accident with a breakfast truck, you negotiate repairs to your bumper down to a short stack with bacon on the side.

Pisces: Your comic book convention will be full of awesome.