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Mar02

Ten Things You’ll Never See in a Movie Theater

by tonyd on March 2, 2013 at 12:01 am

1.  A drink under one dollar.

2.  A cashier over the age of 25.

3.  An usher that actually throws people out for not turning off their cellphones.

4.  Audience members that use the exits near the screen, instead of the ones you came in.

5.  A movie time that actually starts around 9pm so you can get home for the news.

6.  A ticket seller that actually cards people for the R-rated movies.

7.  A ticket seller that actually warns the adults about how shitty the family movie is that you’re about to see.

8.  A theater that charged an extra two dollars so you wouldn’t have to see commercials that you see on TV for free.

9.  A theater that wouldn’t show a trailer for a better movie than you are about to see.

10.  A warning light that would blink to tell you whether or not to stay for after-the-credits sequences.

└ Tags: cinema, comedy, film, funny, humor, lists, movie theater, movies, Super Frat, Ten Things You'll Never See, theater, Tony DiGerolamo, top ten
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Mar01

Rewritten Headlines: Bradley Manning to Las Vegas

by tonyd on March 1, 2013 at 12:01 am

Awesome Soldier Going to Jail

Mall Rats Return

Tits Not as Profitable

Rich Athletes Stopped From Purchasing Islands

Worst Couple Vacation Ever Planned

Pineapple and Surfing Good for Health

Vermin to Outwit Humanity Via Superpowers

Feminism Unhealthy

Groundwork Laid for Syrian Invasion

Not Everything That Happens in Vegas, Stays There

└ Tags: Bradley Manning, comedy, current events, Feminism, funny, Gap, Hawaii, headlines, humor, Las Vegas, Mall Rats, Mars, News, parody, Rewritten Healdines, Rewritten News, salary cap, Super Frat, Syria, tits, Tony DiGerolamo
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Feb27

Twitter in Focus: Jordan Peele

by tonyd on February 27, 2013 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die.  Today’s contestant is comedian, actor and start of Key & Peele, Jordan Peele.  He’s funny on his show, let’s check out his tweetness.

@JordanPeele

December 19th:  “Today I’m shooting another episode of Children’s Hospital! The script is hilarious. Can’t wait to get in those navy Dr. Brian scrubs.”

Nice!  More behind the scenes, I like it.  Damn, every funny person gets to be on that show.

January 22nd:  “Key & Peele: Dueling Hats. One if my favorite sketches. In case you missed it. http://youtu.be/i5ZM0-f5_CU”

Good sketch.  If you haven’t seen the show, you really should.  Rock solid sketches.  Very funny.

January 24th:  “SportsCenter Top 10 Stuart Scott using Key&peele East/West bowl names is ma shit! http://youtu.be/XzlpSUh89k4”

Aw, a shame he had to explain it.  Almost ruins it.

February 3rd:  “We had a blast in Flagstaff tonight. Thanks for being and awesome crowd NAU!!!”

Ah, that explains the lack of tweets.  Busy and on the road.

February 3rd:  “Just happy that today marks the last time we’ll have to hear the words “Game day bucket go boom.””

No idea.

February 13th:  “Which East-West Bowl character’s last name would you most want on a jersey?”

Eeeee  Eeeeeeeee

February 13th:  “Joe Biden looks like John Boehner’s ghost.”

John Boehner’s ghost that keeps putting his foot in his mouth.

February 18th:  “Today we are shooting an #epicrapbattle .”

Neat.

February 20th:  “I make a guest appearance on tonights The Mindy Project”

Man, I don’t know how he has the time to tweet.

February 24th:  “I understand there is a #KeyAndPeele mini marathon on right now.”

When’s the new season?  That’s what we want to see!

February 24th:  “Oops, it’s already over. Guess it was more like a 400 meter dash. #insertbladerunnerjokehere”

Yeah, that’s what a clone would say.  Oh, wait, you meant the other blade runner.

February 24th:  “Daniel Day Lewis was so good as Abraham Lincoln it makes me want Denzel Washington to get the Oscar.”

DDL is a great actor, but c’mon, Lincoln?  That had to be the easiest gig he ever took.

February 24th:  “‘Amour’ looks like the French remake of ‘Batteries Not Included.'”

I think you saw the wrong trailer.

February 24th:  “Bout to eat some Grape Pop Rocks pre-lunch son! #gangsta”

Choke down some soda wit dat!

February 25th:  “Gandhi vs Martin Luther King Jr. Epic Rap Battles of History Season 2 ! our newest collabo #keyandpeele http://youtu.be/-6G6CZT7h4k”

These are fun.  You should put it on K&P.

46 minutes ago:  “My twitter account got temporarily hacked I guess. Dunno why, but those aren’t my german retweets.”

Verstanden. Das hat Sinn.

Okay, let’s rate Jordan’s tweets.  Great behind-the-scenes, solid jokes, but a little too busy to put in the regular tweets.  But hey, he’s a busy guy.  I give Jordan a 6 for Mustness, an 8 for Style and a 9 for Insanity.  That’s an overall score of 7.6.  Follow Jordan and watch Key and Peele.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.

└ Tags: actor, comedian, comedy, ESPN, funny, humor, Jordan Peele, Key & Peele, Links, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, tweet, Twitter, Twitter in Focus, video
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Feb25

Ira’s Drunken Recipes: Hamburgers

by tonyd on February 25, 2013 at 12:01 am

Ingredients:  Frozen hamburger patties, English Muffins, a barbecue, one bottle of coconut rum, a can of pineapple, cola.

Step 1: Find bottle of coconut rum in back of pantry, decide to make pina coladas.

Step 2:  Discover can of pineapple rings, open and pour juice into glass with rum.

Step 3:  Decide that’s close enough to a pina colada, drink three of them.

Step 4:  Get hungry, decide to have luau because that would go with coconut drink.

Step 5:  Discover luaus are too my work, find frozen beef patties instead.

Step 6:  Light gas grill, while drinking fourth pina colada.

Step 7:  Put burgers on grill, check pantry for buns.

Step 8:  Cannot find buns.  Decide English Muffins are close enough.

Step 9:  Run out of pineapple juice, eat pineapple rings while chugging coconut rum from bottle.

Step 10:  Notice smoke coming from gas grill.

Step 11:  Discover patties are burned on one side, but nearly raw on the other.

Step 12:  Place burned patty on muffin, take bite.

Step 13:  Choke on charred meat, vomit onto grill.

Step 14:  Turn off grill, close lid.

Step 15:  Make drunken attempt to hide shameful barbecue accident.

Step 16:  Finish bottle of rum.  Ignore smell and complaints about burning vomit.

Step 17:  Pass out with partially eaten English Muffin burger in hand.

 

└ Tags: barbecue, burger, coconut rum, comedy, English Muffin, funny, grill, hamburger, humor, Ira's Drunken Recipes, pina colada, pineapple, recipes, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, vomit
Comments Off on Ira’s Drunken Recipes: Hamburgers
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