Super Frat

Aug19

Ten Endings You’ll Never See on Breaking Bad

by tonyd on August 19, 2013 at 12:01 am

1. Flynn reveals that he’s been faking his handicap the entire time, that his name is Keyser Soze and he leaves New Mexico with Walt’s money.

2. Hank turns into a rogue cop, joins Walt in the meth business and calls himself “Hankenberg”.

3. Walter and Jesse move to Canada and open a pet store.

4. Turns out, Walt’s meth has been turning people into zombies in Georgia and the show becomes Breaking Dead so as to extend Chris Hardwick’s career.

5. Walt’s previous wife, Lois, returns, yells at Walt and makes him apologize to everyone.

6. Saul is confronted by David Cross and it turns out the entire series was just a very long sketch from Mr. Show.

7. Bill Burr comes out and complains about the Patriots for 48 minutes.

8. Despite being just a head, Danny Trejo recovers and arrests everyone.

9. Ironically, it turns out blue meth is the cure of cancer, but Walt goes to prison where he can’t get any.

10. Walt kills everyone in New Mexico and gets away, but suspects everyone in Arizona saw him.

└ Tags: Bill Burr, Breaking Bad, comedy, Danny Trejo, Flynn, funny, Hank, humor, Jesse, list, New Mexico, Skyler, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, top ten list, Walt

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Aug18

Your Fratoscope: August 18, 2013

by tonyd on August 18, 2013 at 12:01 am

If your birthday is this week: The stars say, a Wal Mart cake is not an indication that your parents don’t love you. They never loved you.

Aries: Error 404, fortune not found.

Taurus: Your boss will catch you getting high in the freezer in the back of Wendy’s. The worst part is, you don’t work at Wendy’s.

Gemini: You will get out of a parking ticket by successfully pleading insanity.

Lemini: Your attempt at creating a defense contractor company as a tax shelter is a complete failure and it nets $4.6 billion dollars in government contracts.

Cancer: You will discover that making sweet love to your Xbox voids the warranty.

Leo: You will be haunted by the ghosts of roommates past, who urge you to do the dishes more than once a month.

Virgo: This week, you’ll discover that you should really tranquilize pitbulls before you attempt to tag them for study.

Libra: Your frat will hold a practice kegger, which goes completely wrong leaving everyone sober and not at all embarrassed by their behavior.

Scorpio: You will spot yourself in the crowd scene of a French porno.

Sagittarius: You will punch a groundhog, who will later successfully sue you for all the tubers in your fridge.

Capricorn: You’ll learn that diving for a Frisbee is dangerous when you’re playing catch on top of a skyscraper.

Aquarius: You assassin skills will improve, but you’re still a dumbass when it comes to balancing your checkbook.

Pisces: You’ll do a lot of writing this week, most just the letter “J”.

└ Tags: Aquarius, Aries, astrology, birthday, Cancer, Capricorn, comedy, frat boy, funny, future, Gemini, horoscope, humor, Lemini, Leo, Libra, Pisces, prediction, psychic, Sagittarius, Scorpio, signs, Super Frat, Taurus, Tony DiGerolamo, Virgo, Your Fratoscope, zodiac

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Aug17

Ask Señor Cactus!

by tonyd on August 17, 2013 at 12:01 am

translated by Mr. Shit
transcribed by Tony DiGerolamo

And now it’s time for that prickly purveyor of wisdom…
The king of the Caryophyllales-Cactaceae…
Ladies and gentlemon’, the great Señor Cactus!

Seeking Sandwich Solution,

Señor Cactus,

A girl I share my house with ate my sandwich. Not only was the sandwich marked as mine, she did not pay for rent this month. She’s here a few weeks early because school just started. Should I let this go or should I draw the line now so that I don’t get walked on for the rest of the year? Also, what is an appropriate response being that I’m a guy and I don’t want to come off as a macho bully.

Thanks.

Sincerely,

Devin, 25, KSU

Dear Line Drawer,

Cactus say, you must walk a fine line. Ya can’t be a creep, but a man’s sandwich is sacred. There’s only one thing to do: Use her shampoo. A woman’s shampoo is equal to a man’s sandwich. Use it everywhere, not just on da head hair.

Breaking in Boston,

Dear Señor Cactus,

My roommate is absolutely obsessed with Breaking Bad. I think he probably masturbates to it when I’m not in the room. Is the show that good?

Thanks.

Sincerely,

Sammy Q at BU

Dear Bitch,

Cactus say, why aren’t you masturbating to Breaking Bad? That show so good, it make his prickly dick hard.

Evil Employee,

Great Señor Cactus,

My boss is a douche, but I need my job at the pizza parlor. What kind of prank would be the best kind to pull on him without getting fired?

Thanks.

Sincerely,

Evil Employee, Gainsville, FL

Dear Soon-to-be-Unemployed,

Señor Cactus say, prepare a pizza with roaches in it. Cut the pizza, throw out two slices and rip out some bites of a slice. Then go into your boss’s office and say a customer just returned the pizza. Then sit back and watch him freak da fuck out.

Exposed in Arlington,

O Señor Cactus,

My girlfriend, who is no prude, borrowed my laptop and I forgot to clear my cache. Now she’s answering embarrassing questions about the kind of porn I watch. What should I do?

Thanks.

Sincerely,

Alex, Marymount U, 24

Dear Porn Deviant,

Cactus say, if she’s asking questions, then you probably watch some fucked up shit. There’s only one thing to do. Level da playing field. Next time she leave her laptop or iPad unguarded, download some disgusting porn. Something involving goats or Chris Brown.

If you have a questions for Señor Cactus, email here.