Super Frat

If your birthday is this week:  You’re a little older, little wiser, unless you’re Donald Trump.

Aries:  You will be approached by a group of aliens who will ask if there’s someone on your planet without special needs they can speak with.

Taurus:  Your cat will embezzle from your checking account.

Gemini:  Your kids drop by to ask you for money, so they can buy your ex’s boyfriend something cool.

Lemini:  The stars say, they want their money by the end of the week.

Cancer:  Your dad will get sunburned in an Ikea after falling asleep near the sunlamps.

Leo:  This week, you’ll discover the ice cream man hates you, which is why he plays “Death of a Marionette” when he goes down the street.

Virgo:  Your dad will punch someone at the old folks home and feel totally justified.  You’ll do it just to fit in.

Libra:  You’ll discover crime doesn’t pay, but it will get you a lot of free stuff.

Scorpio:  Tinder asks your dad to take a week off and give the rest of the profiles a chance.

Sagittarius:  You will discover that a pre-school is a completely inappropriate place to hold your dad’s dice game.

Capricorn:  Your dad will get his hands stuck in two different Pringles cans.

Aquarius:  The ghost of Robin Williams will appear to you and your dad and do a solid five minutes.

Pisces:  Get your dad something nice, you’ll be borrowing later.