Your Father’s Day Fratoscope
on June 19, 2016 at 12:01 am
If your birthday is this week: You’re a little older, little wiser, unless you’re Donald Trump.
Aries: You will be approached by a group of aliens who will ask if there’s someone on your planet without special needs they can speak with.
Taurus: Your cat will embezzle from your checking account.
Gemini: Your kids drop by to ask you for money, so they can buy your ex’s boyfriend something cool.
Lemini: The stars say, they want their money by the end of the week.
Cancer: Your dad will get sunburned in an Ikea after falling asleep near the sunlamps.
Leo: This week, you’ll discover the ice cream man hates you, which is why he plays “Death of a Marionette” when he goes down the street.
Virgo: Your dad will punch someone at the old folks home and feel totally justified. You’ll do it just to fit in.
Libra: You’ll discover crime doesn’t pay, but it will get you a lot of free stuff.
Scorpio: Tinder asks your dad to take a week off and give the rest of the profiles a chance.
Sagittarius: You will discover that a pre-school is a completely inappropriate place to hold your dad’s dice game.
Capricorn: Your dad will get his hands stuck in two different Pringles cans.
Aquarius: The ghost of Robin Williams will appear to you and your dad and do a solid five minutes.
Pisces: Get your dad something nice, you’ll be borrowing later.
