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Jan28

Your Fratoscope: January 28, 2018

by tonyd on January 28, 2018 at 12:01 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  Your birthday posts will contain nothing but complaints about your sexually explicit party favors.

Aries:  You’ll be touched by an angel and then later have to report him to the cops.

Taurus:  Your monkey escapes again and this time, he steals your girlfriend.

Gemini:  You will eat some pot brownies much to the anger of the cops that guard that evidence room.

Lemini:  The stars say, stop whacking it under the skylight.  The stars can’t unsee that.

Cancer:  You learn that next time, you should cut off the skin and top of a pineapple before eating it.

Leo:  You’re just one guitar lesson short of being that annoying guy that keeps playing Wonder Wall in the dorm.

Virgo:  You’ll pick up a hitchhiker, but half way through the ride he’ll get scared and jump out of the car.

Libra:  The green M&M is stalking you.

Scorpio:  The guy at the drug store suggests you buy KY in bulk for savings.

Sagittarius:  Facebook informs you that it can’t filter stupidity, so it asks you to stop posting.

Capricorn:  You’ll get to the store too late, there are no more Tom Brady voodoo dolls left.

Aquarius:  The cops will knock down your door because one of them has to go to the bathroom really bad.

Pisces:  This week, you’ll be informed that vodka and cranberry juice doesn’t count as cold medicine.

└ Tags: angel, Aquarius, Aries, astrology, Cancer, Capricorn, comedy, facebook, funny, future, Gemini, green M&M, horoscope, humor, Lemini, Leo, Libra, party favors, Pisces, pot brownies, predictions, Sagittarius, Scorpio, signs, stars, Super Frat, Taurus, Tony DiGerolamo, Virgo, Your Fratoscope, zodiac
Comments Off on Your Fratoscope: January 28, 2018
Jan27

Ten Things I’d Like to See Julian Assange do When He’s Free

by tonyd on January 27, 2018 at 12:01 am

After five years of being stuck inside the Ecuadorian embassy, Julian Assange may finally get to go free.  Here’s now the ten things I think he should do.

  1.  Air out that stinky bedroom he’s been living in.
  2.  Eat some food that isn’t from Ecuador.
  3.  Call Papa John’s and order a pizza just as he’s leaving.
  4.  Get home and empty out his mailbox from the last five years.
  5.  Chew out the person that was suppose to feed his fish and water his plants.
  6.  Still secrets from a warm, tropical clime like Aruba.
  7.  Renew his membership in the near-albino club.
  8.  Knee Benedict Cumberbatch in the balls for making that movie about him.
  9.  Pretend to catch up on all the movies and TV shows he actually pirated as they came out.
  10.  Continue saving world via laptop, but get more fresh air.
└ Tags: albino, Aruba, Benedict Cumberbatch, comedy, Ecuador, food, funny, humor, Julian Assange, Papa John's, Super Frat, Ten Things I'd Like to See, Tony DiGerolamo, top ten, Wikileaks
Comments Off on Ten Things I’d Like to See Julian Assange do When He’s Free
Jan26

Rewritten Headlines: Badass Cow to Sexy Barney

by tonyd on January 26, 2018 at 12:01 am

Badass Cow Goes Back To Roots

Dude Really Wants to be Fired

Otto Still Driving Somehow

More Gross Food Invented

Reception Stinks

Bride Really Wants Envelope

Iron Maiden Song Relevant

Titties to be Freed!

More Monkeys Available

He REALLY Wants to Be Your Friend

 

└ Tags: actor, badass cow, Barney, bathroom, beads, bride, bus, comedy, current events, freed, funny, gross food, Hawaii, headlines, humor, Iron Maiden, monkeys, New Jersey, New Orleans, News, Otto, punch, reception, Rewritten Headlines, Sexy Barney, song, Super Frat, Taco Bell, tantric sex, titties, Tony DiGerolamo, wedding
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Jan24

Twitter in Focus: Frank Oz

by tonyd on January 24, 2018 at 1:10 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die!  Today’s contestant is Frank Oz!  Aka: Fozzy Bear and Yoda!  Let’s see what he’s tweeting!

@TheFrankOzJam

January 16th:  “There have really been wonderful guesses. Thanks! Okay. So. I most identify with Grover and Fozzie. Grover because he’s pure, Fozzie because as a kid I really wanted to be in show biz too. I shouldn’t have put Yoda in the mix. He is way deep inside me, but I’m not that wise.”

I didn’t realize you did Grover too!  Awesome.  He’s like a skinny Cookie Monster.

January 16th:  “Okay. Now that I’ve bared my soul. What characters do you identify with?”

Cookie Monster.

January 18th:  “Yes I identified most with Grover and Fozzie, but there are bits of me in all of my characters. Me being boring is Bert, me pure is Grover, me obsessed-Cookie, me neurotic-Piggy, me insecure-Fozzie, me uptight-Sam, me crazed-Animal. I’m a bit like each of them. And so are you.”

Oh, yeah, Bert.  I can hear it now.

January 20th:  “I don’t know how I got here. I was this kid with low self esteem and a bit of talent. But a lot of people have talent and haven’t “made it.” Why did the planets line up for me? Why didn’t other talented people get their Jim Henson as a mentor? I don’t think I’ll ever know why.”

Wow.  Interesting.  Very insightful tweeting going on here.

January 20th:  “Just wondering if you’d be okay with letting me know where you’re from when you tweet me. Maybe just start a tweet to me with, Canada or Malaysia or maybe Toledo or Naiorobi or wherever. I just think it would be fun to know. I like including a lot of different types of people.”

Laurel Springs, NJ

January 20th:  “Okay. I have a problem. I LOVE everyone telling me where they are! It’s really great. And i love replying to everyone. But I have got to get to work. So with apologies I’m not going to be answering each one. I’ll do my best to answer some. But I also want time with my wife!”

Welcome to the Internet.  Stay.  Forever!

January 20th:  “Okay. As soon as I said I needed to work and that I wanted to spend time with my wife, I WENT RIGHT BACK TO TWITTER!! Is there a Twitter Re-hab Center anywhere? Okay. Be back tonight or tomorrow. LOVE hearing where youre from!”

Yes.  It’s called smashing your smart phone to pieces and getting a flip phone so you can’t access Twitter anymore.

23 hours ago:  “Jim Henson was both our leader and very often the instigator of play. He taught us that even when you’re doing something you don’t want to do you can still have fun doing it.”

Hmm, neat.

Okay, let’s rate Frank’s tweets.  I give him a 7 for Insanity, an 8 for Mustness and a 10 for Style.  That’s an overall score of 8.3, but I’m rounding it up to 9 because, ya know, COOKIE!

And if you have suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.

 

└ Tags: actor, Bert, Cookie Monster, director, Fozzie Bear, Frank Oz, Grover, muppets, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, tweet, Twitter, Twitter in Focus, Yoda
Comments Off on Twitter in Focus: Frank Oz
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