Your Fratoscope: June 11, 2017
on June 11, 2017 at 12:01 am
If your birthday is this week: Your cake will be glazed in the tears of your enemies, just like Conan.
Aries: You will somehow jack knife your VW Beetle.
Taurus: You’ll shock everyone at the miniature golf course by sinking several holes-in-one without pants.
Gemini: A policeman will ticket you, mostly because he’s just bored.
Lemini: This week, you’ll start counting all the slices of bread you eat until you die.
Cancer: That meat that you’ve been saving in the fridge finally gets up and throws itself out.
Leo: The strippers at the strip club insist you sit in shadow because it’s too depressing to gyrate around you.
Virgo: You’ll invent a delicious new cocktail with a horrible name called the Goat Piss Margarita.
Libra: You will get into another fight over tacos.
Scorpio: You will expose yourself to some tourists.
Sagittarius: Your image consultant finally tells you to take the mascot costume off.
Capricorn: The stars say, global warming sure is cool looking from where the stars are sitting.
Aquarius: You will be challenged to a fight by several small children dressed as the characters from Fight Club.
Pisces: You’ll drink so much iced tea, you’ll go back in time to the beginning of the week and do it again.
