If your birthday is this week: As a joke, your terrorists friends get you one of those giant, round, black bombs with the fuse on the top. They think it’s hilarious, but seriously, be careful with that thing. Aries: Your […] ↓ Read the rest of this entry…
If your birthday is this week: Your Zero Dark Thirty themed birthday party ends with you being waterboarded with cake. Aries: The stars say, “Seriously? You’re still reading horoscopes and claim to be an atheist? Do you not see anything […] ↓ Read the rest of this entry…
If your birthday is this week: You will get a visit from your childhood hero, Racer X, but a monkey and a kid hiding in the trunk will ruin everything. Aries: You will get out of a parking ticket but […] ↓ Read the rest of this entry…
If your birthday is this week: You will discover that your roommate can easily mistake fireworks for candles when assembling a birthday cake. Aries: The stars say, that old jar of Tzatziki sauce has been in your fridge so long […] ↓ Read the rest of this entry…
