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Dec13

Frat Boy At the Movies: The Tourist

by tonyd on December 13, 2010 at 12:01 am

The Tourist is billed as a high stakes, mistaken identity movie set in Venice with Johnny Depp as the hapless tourist and Angelina Jolie, as the mysterious woman that sucks him into the conspiracy. You can almost see the dividing line in this movie where Jolie’s agents said, this half will be for Angelina to strut around in costume and be admired and Depp’s agent said, this half of the movie will be where Johnny does his cool acting stuff.

Depp is such an adept actor, he’s fun to watch in almost anything. Jolie is so hot, you can pretty much look at her all day. But the movie ran into a brick wall for me halfway through when I realized the ending and the plot when from a “Type 1” movie plot, to “Ah, no, we’re going to be clever.”

Clever gimmicks are only clever when they are also clever looking back on the rest of the movie. Part of the problem is, there are these two big stars and no other really big names. Without the potential of a character coming in at the end to upstage them, you can pretty much write the ending. And once you know the ending, the earlier scenes are then underminded in context.

Some movie fans won’t be bothered by this, as they don’t pay close enough attention to remember or care. And it’s not like the movie isn’t paced well or acted well, it’s just that the script paints itself into a corner and then gets out rather ungracefully with many unanswered questions. I can’t really answer them without spoiling the movie for you, because everything hinges on the revelation at the end and that’s really the problem. Had the movie been populated by relatively unknown actors, the balance might’ve shifted in a way that made the ending more of a surprise.

I think the filmmakers would’ve been served better by a more formulaic script, because at least then, the emphasis wouldn’t have been on the clever surprise since you’d know what was coming at the end. Plus it would be cool to see Depp in Jolie in that classic movie formula. It’s actually a little disappointing when the movie veers from the formula.

Anyhow, it would probably be an okay rental if you had nothing better to do. I give the Tourist 4 out of 10 keggers.

And now, a new feature, since I’m obsessed with making Xtranormal cartoons now. Here’s a rant about the movie, but there are major spoilers. Seriously, if you watch this, I’ll be giving away the entire ending. But I just have to vent about it. If you like this better than reading a review, let me know.

└ Tags: action, Angelina Jolie, cinema, critic, critique, film, Johnny Depp, movie, review, The Tourist, Venice
4 Comments
Dec12

Your Fratoscope: December 12, 2010

by tonyd on December 12, 2010 at 12:01 am

If your birthday is this week: Good news, Obama’s tax plan is likely to pass. Unfortunately, all the Republicans and Democrats could agree on was that your individual taxes would go up. Hope you’ve had a few trillion in taxable income last year.

Aries: Your low budget porn movie is panned at the Sundance Film Festival. Mainly because you’re the only one in it.

Taurus: The stars say, start eating healthier. It’s not normally to be sweating spreadable cheese, especially if it tastes like chives.

Gemini: Your house party is a huge hit, but it turns into a surprise party when the owners come back a night early.

Lemini: You will be in a car accident. Well, technically the accident you have is in your pants, you just happen to be in the car driving at the time.

Cancer: A picture is worth a thousand words, but those naked pictures of Christina Aquilera you leaked, were worth a lot more.

Leo: Stop saying, “Word to your mother”. It’s over. Seriously.

Virgo: You will appear in a political cartoon this week. That’s no surprise, considering you’re a 300 pound cat that wears a suit, top hat and monocle and carries around a bag of money with a dollar sign.

Libra: Your friend will post an embarrassing picture of you on Facebook. Take it in stride. Most people don’t look very good after going on a Meth bender anyway.

Scorpio: The stars say, having sex with your doorman is still not a tip.

Sagittarius: Your idea to put your significant other in a short story for a class backfires after you break up and then have to read the story in front of the class. The good news? Your professor feels so back he made you cry, you get a “B” for your shitty story.

Capricorn: Cut the blue wire. The blue— No wait, green.

Aquarius: Your car will break down on a lonesome road and you’ll be sexually molested by backwood country folk. The upside is, no damage to the car. You just ran out of gas.

Pisces: Good news! Your Christmas shopping is done this week! The bad news is, it’s because you have no family and friends.

└ Tags: 2010, Aires, Aquarius, astrology, Cancer, Capricorn, Christmas, comedy, December 12, fat cat, frat, funny, Gemini, horoscope, humor, Lemini, Leo, Libra, Pisces, Sagittarius, Scorpio, signs, South Park, Taurus, Virgo, Your Fratoscope
Comments Off on Your Fratoscope: December 12, 2010
Dec08

Twitter in Focus: Glenn Howerton

by tonyd on December 8, 2010 at 12:01 am

Hey bros and Sunny fans, welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die. Our contestant this week is Glenn Howertown, otherwise known as Dennis from the It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. He’s a hilarious sociopath on the show, let’s see if his tweets are just as funny.

November 16th: “Amazing how defensive people get about environmental issues. We r destroying the environment for ourselves & our children. This upsets me.”

Okay, what’s the angle? Oooooh. Hippie chicks. Right. They love that environment crap.

November 16th: “Peep it: RT @Tappedthemovie: I’m pleased to announce Tapped is now available FOR FREE on Hulu: http://bit.ly/9S5CoB”

Good idea! A link like this in an email can really sell it. Nice.

November 17th: “Can someone send a link? RT @Lycus_2: @Glenn_Howerton Oh hey, this new FOX show “Raising Hope” gave you guys a shout-out tonight.”

Really? That’s cool. That show is okay. Watching it right now.

November 17th: “Thanks. Interesting.. RT @JuanPOfficial: @Glenn_Howerton http://bit.ly/c5idoA”

I smell sitcom crossover!

November 18th: “Tonight on Always Sunny.. “Charlie Kelly: King of the Rats”… I feel like that speaks for itself. #sunnyfx”

Oh, yeah. Awesome episode. I gave it a Mac: http://www.philly2philly.com/entertainment/entertainment_articles/2010/11/19/25669/its_always_sunny_philadelphia_recap_season_6_e

November 20th: “Just landed in Cali. Venice Beach, did u miss me, baby? Kanpai Sushi, here we come!!”

Ooo, that looks like a good place. http://www.kanpaisushi.net/

November 23rd: “I want everyone to have a happy Thanksgiving. That’s what I want, so start planning that now, b/c Thanksgiving is on Thursday. GO!!”

Hey, don’t rush me. These deep fryers can explode if you drop the turkey in too soon.

November 23rd: “Aww baby dick..RT @FloydMayweather: Money Mayweather buys his Fiancée @THEMSJACKSON New Rolls Royce Ghost.. http://plixi.com/p/58739350”

If he’s following the D.E.N.N.I.S. System, he’d have to take this way at some point.

November 26th: “I’ll be there! RT @IpecacRec: Hey turkeys! There r tix left for Dec.1 Faith No More show in Hollywood. Not sure FNM will EVER play US again”

That sucks. Are they being deported or are they refusing the TSA ball grab?

November 26th: “Correct RT @Shurooq_Abdulla: @Glenn_Howerton my brother & I are discussing what dennis scenes are the best. Then we realized every scene is!”

Well, admittedly, when Dee is in a Dennis scene, it tends to drag it down, but that’s not Dennis’ fault, it’s Dee’s.

November 26th: “I’d like to thank People magazine for voting Dennis Reynolds 2010 sexiest man alive. Feels good.”

Congrats! That’s— Wait a minute! http://www.kxan.com/dpps/entertainment/photo_galleries/gallery-ryan-reynolds-sexiest-man-2010-tvw_3650692

November 26th: “Damn right RT @mls60442: @Glenn_Howerton In honor of this, a town in Pennsylvania renamed itself Reynoldsville! http://twitpic.com/3ainpq”

None of the women in the town will get in a boat for some reason.

November 26th: “What?! What does that guy have to do with sex? RT @NCAlexander: @Glenn_Howerton Ohhh thank god, I thought it was Ryan Reynolds…LMAO!”

He’s Green Lantern. He can make his dick gigantic with that ring.

November 29th: “RIP Leslie Nielson. Amazing comedic actor. Had a HUGE influence on me growing up.”

Surely you can’t be serious.

December 1st: “Sick as a dog with stomach flu. Shooting promo tomorrow for the Comedy Central run starting in January. Hope I can get my shit together.”

Bro, do not eat those nuts Charlie keeps finding.

December 2nd: “New #sunnyfx tonight. Sorry for the late notice East coast. Tonight’s ep. has an interesting line up: Utley, Howard, Sizemore.”

Best. Episode. Ever. A Dennis, plus. http://www.philly2philly.com/entertainment/entertainment_articles/2010/12/5/25772/its_always_sunny_philadelphia_recap_season_6_ep

December 4th: “Classy dressing rooms, Showtime. Truly RT @SHOsports: Lovely ladies! The Rockstar girls getting ready… http://twitpic.com/3d04cs”

Holy crap, dude. Niiiiiice!

December 5th: “Completely. RT @robhuebel: That song ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ sounds a little date-rapey.”

Well, that’s why you tell the chick it’s cold because her best option is to stay inside. You know, because of the implication.

8 hours: “Thursday night on #sunnyfx we reveal who the father of Dee’s child is.”

All right, my guess, it has to be Crickety Cricket. It’s a perfect way to work him back into the show.

Let’s rate Glenn’s twitter. For Insanity, I give him a 7, Style has to be a 9 and finally Mustness, he’s very up to date, so 10. That’s an overall score of 8.6. Gotta follow Dennis and don’t be a dick, watch Sunny.

1 Comment
Dec05

Your Fratoscope: December 5, 2010

by tonyd on December 5, 2010 at 3:40 am

If your birthday is this week: Uncle Fester from the Addams Family will appear to you in a dream and give you lottery numbers. They are all wrong, but the package of light bulbs you buy with the lottery ticket mysteriously light up when you touch them.

Aries: You’ll go see the Warrior’s Way this week. You’ll like it well enough, but wished you stayed home and played XBOX instead, because that would’ve been a lot cheaper than watching a video game you can’t play on a big screen.

Taurus: Due to a mix up at the post office, your RA will get your Fleshlight by mistake. You’ll meet a girl at a dorm mixer and talk about it and make fun of the RA. You’ll go back to your room with her and start making out. Things will get hot and heavy until finally you need a condom. As you are taking off your pants, you ask the girl to open your desk and get a condom. That’s when you will find that your RA wanted to be discreet and placed your brand new Fleshlight in your desk with a Post-it Note saying, “This came for you. I guess you’ll cum for it!”

Gemini: You’ll meet a nice Taurus at a dorm mixer. Stay out of his desk.

Lemini: Your idea to pee in the campus fountain is hilarious to everyone but the campus cops that catch you doing it.

Cancer: The stars say, you’re going to experience a financial windfall. Your roommate leaves his wallet out while he goes to take a shower.

Leo: You will be sexually harassed by the Micheline Tire Man.

Virgo: The stars say, your opponent is bluffing. See his bet and raise him. Seriously, he’s got a tell. The stars can totally see it.

Libra: Senator Joe Leiberman will personally call the company that hosts your blog and have it shut down. He doesn’t think you’re doing anything illegal, he just thinks your a pretentious asshole with nothing to say.

Scorpio: Your gimp will demand a raise and a nicer trunk to sleep in.

Sagittarius: This week you’ll dine at one of the finest restaurants you’ve ever eaten in. Unfortunately, it’s a Del Taco. You really gotta get out more.

Capricorn: Your attempt to borrow a puppy to attract a girl backfires when the puppy is kidnapped on the street and you turn to your date and shrug, “Oh, well.”

Aquarius: The stars say, live your dream, make your comic book, just don’t print more than six. That’s all you’ll ever need.

Pisces: Your drunken crime spree goes wrong when you accidentally rescue an elderly lady from an abusive rest home. Now you’ll never get to join a street gang.

└ Tags: 2010, Aires, Aquarius, astrology, beer, Cancer, Capricorn, comedy, frat, funny, Gemini, horoscope, humor, Lemini, Leo, Libra, November 28, Pisces, puppy, Sagittarius, Scorpio, signs, Taurus, The Whitest Kids You Know, Virgo, Your Fratoscope
3 Comments
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