Bros, welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die.
I know, I know. You didn’t know that Charlie Sheen, Lord of the ‘Gine, had a Twitter account. Well it just went live yesterday and already has half of a million followers. We may need a weekly (or daily) Charlie Sheen update just to keep up. The man is clearly a legend and his visage should be enshrined in every frat house in the US. Let us now analyze the words of wisdom from the man who gets more pussy than a cat lady covered in tuna fish.
It’s rare that I get to analyze a Twitter account in its entirety, but here goes.
5 hours ago: “Winning..! Choose your Vice… #winning #chooseyourvice http://twitpic.com/455ly9”
This is a tough choice, bros. Chocolate milk or girl with large breasts? Sure, the girl is hot, but chocolate milk is delicious. What Lord Charlie is saying to us is, you don’t have to “choose” a vice. You can have all the vices, good and bad, because that’s what winning means. Having it all.
3 hours ago: “Just got invited to do the Nancy Grace show… I’d rather go on a long road trip with Chuck Lorre in a ’75 Pacer….”
I’d rather have my balls stapled to a wild boar. If there’s any proof that Charlie Sheen is still sane, it’s right in that tweet.
3 hours ago: “Winner..! 2012… #winner http://twitpic.com/4575pd”
I could totally see him winning one. C’mon, bros. He was in Platoon, remember?
1 hour ago: “The only watch that keeps Warlock time – Class of 1927 ring “Bambino U” #winning http://twitpic.com/458bdr”
Ah, now it becomes clear. Charlie has sold his soul to the devil for a nice watch and endless pussy. And, I think, a ring belonging to Babe Ruth. Not a bad trade. People have gotten a lot less for their souls. Look at Nancy Grace.
42 minutes ago: “My sons’ are fine… My path is now clear… Defeat is not an option..!”
I don’t know how they’re going to live up you, man. It’ll take a harem, a Playboy mansion and four years as a pimp, minimum.
32 minutes ago: “@WilmaFingerDoo You too!! LOL….”
I think Charlie here is probably lining up a four-way. Must be exhausting being him.
5 hours ago: “@BobMaron It took America’s biggest national story to get you tweeting again? Is that watch in the pic one that came from you?”
Charlie Sheen is a one-man revolution, so it makes sense to me.
Most of those bloopers aren’t even Charlie’s. Probably because he’s nice and relaxed after banging a production assistant. All right, let’s rate Charlie’s tweets. What can I say? Style is a 10, Insanity a 10 and Mustness, an absolute 10. There is a new king of twitter and his name is Charlie Sheen.
And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.
