If your birthday is this week: Your Lady Gaga meat costume backfires when you get the address of the Halloween party wrong and end up walking into a kennel.
Aries: Your comment on your boss’s “slutty secretary” costume turns out to be inappropriate, she’s not wearing a costume.
Taurus: The stars say, giving away bags of pot for Halloween is wrong. You have to roll the joints for the kids first.
Gemini: Your America’s Most Wanted Fugitive costume doesn’t fool anyone, except the cops that pull you over.
Lemini : This week, your house will be the scariest one on the block. But then again, most registered sex offenders are pretty scary.
Cancer: The ghost of Ryan Dunn will suggest you ride down a hill in a shopping cart. He will also laugh at you during the ambulance ride.
Leo: You will regret passing out at the Halloween party. Mostly because you went in a costume that looked like a toilet.
Virgo: You’ll have anonymous sex with a girl in a mascot costume. At least, that’ what you’ll tell yourself.
Libra: You will find out that porn is an inappropriate treat for Halloween.
Scorpio: The stars say, it’s a perfect time to go out with your orgy mask on. Unfortunately, way too many people recognize you that way, you whore.
Sagittarius: You may be getting too old for Trick or Treating. Your mailman costume nets you a few candy bars and several dozen envelopes containing checks to the gas company.
Capricorn: This week, you’ll severely cut your hands trying to push razorblades into apples. Wake up and stop doing this. No one eats apples on Halloween.
Aquarius: Good news, it turns out that slutty prostitute you invite to your Halloween party is actually a slutty prostitute. The bad news is, her herpes sores are not make up.
Pisces: Well, it’s another Halloween and you know what that means. A candy bowl on the middle of your front lawn and you on the roof with a BB gun. Good luck kids!
