If your birthday is this week:   Your Lady Gaga meat costume backfires when you get the address of the Halloween party wrong and end up walking into a kennel.

Aries:  Your comment on your boss’s “slutty secretary” costume turns out to be inappropriate, she’s not wearing a costume.

Taurus: The stars say, giving away bags of pot for Halloween is wrong.  You have to roll the joints for the kids first.

Gemini:  Your America’s Most Wanted Fugitive costume doesn’t fool anyone, except the cops that pull you over.

Lemini :  This week, your house will be the scariest one on the block.  But then again, most registered sex offenders are pretty scary.

Cancer:  The ghost of Ryan Dunn will suggest you ride down a hill in a shopping cart.  He will also laugh at you during the ambulance ride.

Leo:  You will regret passing out at the Halloween party.  Mostly because you went in a costume that looked like a toilet.

Virgo:  You’ll have anonymous sex with a girl in a mascot costume.  At least, that’ what you’ll tell  yourself.

Libra:  You will find out that porn is an inappropriate treat for Halloween.

Scorpio:  The stars say, it’s a perfect time to go out with your orgy mask on.  Unfortunately, way too many people recognize you that way, you whore.

Sagittarius:  You may be getting too old for Trick or Treating.  Your mailman costume nets you a few candy bars and several dozen envelopes containing checks to the gas company.

Capricorn:  This week, you’ll severely cut your hands trying to push razorblades into apples.  Wake up and stop doing this.  No one eats apples on Halloween.

Aquarius:  Good news, it turns out that slutty prostitute you invite to your Halloween party is actually a slutty prostitute.  The bad news is, her herpes sores are not make up.

Pisces:  Well, it’s another Halloween and you know what that means.  A candy bowl on the middle of your front lawn and you on the roof with a BB gun.  Good luck kids!