Nov05

Rewritten Headlines: Jackson Jury to Alien Lights

by tonyd on November 5, 2011 at 12:01 am

It’s time for all the news that’s fit to be Rewritten.  This is Rewritten Headlines, with the most Rewritten News Team in the Nation!

Real: Jackson Case Jury Gets Weekend Off

Rewritten: Jackson Case Jury Gets Extra Time to Arrange Future Interviews and Book Deals

Real: Romney:  “I’ve been as consistent as human beings can be.”

Rewritten: Mitt Romney and His Hair Claim to be Human

Real: Bill Cosby Gets Flashed on the Streets of New York

Rewritten: Bill Cosby Spontaneously Spouts a Bunch of Nonsense Words That Mean Boobs

Real: Columbia Kills Top FARC Leader

Rewritten: Americans Wonder What a “FARC” is

Real: “Lost Interview” with Steve Jobs to be Show on Silver Screen

Rewritten: Steve Jobs Getting Tu Pac’d by Movies

Real: Alien City Lights Could Be Detected Across Interstellar Space

Rewritten: Scientists Find Evidence Hipsters May Be Everywhere

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Nov04

Frat Boy At the Movies: The Rum Diary

by tonyd on November 4, 2011 at 12:01 am

Johnny Depp is back in another Hunter S. Thompson book.  It’s an important book, as it is Hunter’s first one and it’s fictional.  Based on Hunter’s stint in San Juan, this isn’t Fear and Loathing.  This story is “proto-Hunter”.  It’s the author trying to find his voice in a strange, corrupt world.

I found it an amazingly entertaining film, but understand that I am a huge Hunter S. Thompson fan.  As a movie, it promises a little too much.  The over-the-top craziness isn’t as crazy as the trailer would have you to believe.  There is a story there and Depp does do his Hunter voice.

The cast is great and includes Aaron Eckhart, Michael Rispoli, Giovanni Ribisi and the absolute, drop-dead gorgeous Amber Heard and her rack.  Amber Heard could pretty much be in any movie, stand in front of a wall and try on various outfits and I’d probably go see it.  That being said, she plays a good crazy party girl.   And yes, she’s naked in a few scenes.  Not as naked as she’s been in previous movies, but naked enough.

The ending is a little pat, but hey, it was Hunter’s first novel.  Up until the last minute, it’s a damn fun ride.  It’s totally worth seeing.  I give it 9 out of 10 keggers.

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Nov02

Twitter in Focus: Leonard Nimoy

by tonyd on November 2, 2011 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die.  Today’s contestant is Mr. Spock himself, Leonard Nimoy!  If there is someone who is not a fan of this man, I don’t know them.  Let’s check out his tweets.

@TheRealNimoy

October 21st:  “On the carol Burnett show in the late ’60’s. LLAP http://twitpic.com/73rkn6”

Someone find this link to this video…now!

October 21st:  “Seeing LLAP T shirts popping up. Airports, restaurants,etc.Love it.!! http://www.etsy.com/shop/SecretSelves LLAP”

Proceeds go to the Vulcan Institute of Learning.

October 26th:  “I’m still feeling the waves of good will from the convention in Chicago.Also Vegas and other cities. Thanks to all. LLAP”

Can’t believe you’re done conventions.  No wait, I can’t believe you did conventions that long.

October 27th:  “There’s only one Spocktober and THIS IS IT !!! LLAP”

Ha!  Spocktober!  Gotta get a Spock-olantern!

October 27th:  “Had lunch today with JJ Abrams. Dinner tomorrow with Zachary Quinto. Totally Star Trek’d. Great people. LLAP”

Nice.  Are you hobnobbing with them?  No!  They’re hobnobbing with you!

October 28th:  “JJ was curious about my Secret Selves project. I sent him a catalogue of the show which includes a DVD. Find it on http://Leonardnimoyphotography.com LLAP”

Nice!  I like the painting lesbian.

October 28th:  “From “Kid Monk Baroni” 1952 LLAP http://twitpic.com/776k47”

October 31st: “Happy scary day. As a kid I was always a pirate. Cardboard patch over one eye and a cardboard sword. LLAP”

Yar! Gimme yer booty! T’is most logical! Aaargh!

6 hours ago: “A thought: Love the art in yourself. Not yourself in the art. LLAP”

Any chance that you’ll rerelease this?

Okay, let’s rate Leonard’s tweets. Okay, I’m totally biased here. How can I not give him 10’s across the board? I know, it’s not an accurate rating, but it’s Spock. Spock! Spoooooooooocck!

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.

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Oct30

Your Fratoscope: October 30, 2011

by tonyd on October 30, 2011 at 12:01 am

If your birthday is this week:   Your Lady Gaga meat costume backfires when you get the address of the Halloween party wrong and end up walking into a kennel.

Aries:  Your comment on your boss’s “slutty secretary” costume turns out to be inappropriate, she’s not wearing a costume.

Taurus: The stars say, giving away bags of pot for Halloween is wrong.  You have to roll the joints for the kids first.

Gemini:  Your America’s Most Wanted Fugitive costume doesn’t fool anyone, except the cops that pull you over.

Lemini :  This week, your house will be the scariest one on the block.  But then again, most registered sex offenders are pretty scary.

Cancer:  The ghost of Ryan Dunn will suggest you ride down a hill in a shopping cart.  He will also laugh at you during the ambulance ride.

Leo:  You will regret passing out at the Halloween party.  Mostly because you went in a costume that looked like a toilet.

Virgo:  You’ll have anonymous sex with a girl in a mascot costume.  At least, that’ what you’ll tell  yourself.

Libra:  You will find out that porn is an inappropriate treat for Halloween.

Scorpio:  The stars say, it’s a perfect time to go out with your orgy mask on.  Unfortunately, way too many people recognize you that way, you whore.

Sagittarius:  You may be getting too old for Trick or Treating.  Your mailman costume nets you a few candy bars and several dozen envelopes containing checks to the gas company.

Capricorn:  This week, you’ll severely cut your hands trying to push razorblades into apples.  Wake up and stop doing this.  No one eats apples on Halloween.

Aquarius:  Good news, it turns out that slutty prostitute you invite to your Halloween party is actually a slutty prostitute.  The bad news is, her herpes sores are not make up.

Pisces:  Well, it’s another Halloween and you know what that means.  A candy bowl on the middle of your front lawn and you on the roof with a BB gun.  Good luck kids!

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