Super Frat

Welcome to Twitter in Focus, where media comes to die. Today’s contestant is funny man, Steve Carell. Veteran of the Daily Show, the Office and many funny things. Let’s see if his tweets are just as funny.

@stevecarell

February 24th: “First order of business: I will not be doing any “That’s What She Said” jokes. It’s just too hard for me…”

Okay, get it out of your system.

February 24th: “It just won’t leave me satisfied.” “I’m sorry. I don’t have it in me.” “I don’t think that I can keep this up.”

You could probably do a separate twitter just for Michael Scottisms. Of course, if you didn’t do it right, someone could really suck at it. Boom! That’s what she said!

February 27th: “After enjoying a tuna fish sandwich, my seven year old son kindly asked me to “Change my breath”.”

Nice. He’s got your funny genes.

March 3rd: “The next person who calls me a “nice guy” is going to get punched in the face.”

Did the people that call you that see “Evan Almighty”?

March 6th: “I’m thinking about getting a tattoo of my ass on my ass.”

It’s gotta be better than this.

March 8th: “I’ve decided to start tweeting words and phrases that I dislike intensely. First up: “Lunch-meats”.”

And then Steve Tweeted: Iconic, Tube-socks, Appe-teaser, Doppler 7000, Doppler 8000 and Doppler Radar.

I think it’s the hard C’s and O’s that make these words annoying. Or the mispronunciation. That’s what drives me nuts with any word.

March 12th: “True Story: Guy in Store: “Hey, are you Chris Carell?” Me: “Yes.” Guy: “I’m your biggest fan.””

In his defense, he is the tallest.

March 16th: “I’ve been looking for an un-registered dietitian, but they’re impossible to find.”

Go to South America. They’re everywhere and they also drive the cabs.

March 19th: “This morning I had a delicious breakfast of hashtags and bacon.”

I’m not sure if you can eat those, but they probably do taste better with bacon.

March 21st: “Beauty tip: Drink at least 300 ounces of water a day. Your skin will glow! ***Spoiler Alert***This will result in kidney failure and death.”

That’s 2.34 gallons. Definitely lots of peeing.

5 hours ago: “Hyperbole is a thousand times better than exaggeration.”

More like a million times.

Okay, let’s rate Steve’s tweets. No behind-the-scenes stuff, which is a shame because he’s working with Kiera Knightley in what looks like something interesting. For Mustness, I give him a 6. For Style, a 7 and for Insanity a 9. That’s an overall score of 7.3. Not bad. Follow Steve, bros! And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.

└ Tags: actor, comedy, Daily Show, Evan Almighty, funny, humor, Keira Knightley, Michael Scott, Steve Carell, Super Frat, tattoo, That's What She Said, The Office, Tony DiGerolamo, tweet, Twitter, Twitter in Focus

3 Comments

Mar26

Ten Apocalypses You’ll Never See

by tonyd on March 26, 2012 at 1:18 am

Ten Apocalypses You’ll Never See by Tony DiGerolamo

1. World Wide Suicide: You know, like in The Happening. This would never happen, unless you forced everyone to watch that movie.

2. Mass Electrocution: Starting on the coast of every continent, a guy standing knee-deep in the ocean attempts to recover a toaster which is plugged in. Everyone runs to help and one at a time grabs the hand of the previous person being electrocuted.

3. Intellectual Overload: People of the world become so intelligent, that they contemplate the Universe with such fervor they forget to take care of bodily functions like eating.

4. Zombie Mimes: The first zombie mime spotted is immediately shot in the head, thereby preventing the infection from spreading. The shooter later admits that he did not know the mime was a zombie.

5. Serial Killer Over Hunting: After decades of screwing up families, there are so many serial killers that they over hunt the females and eventually wipe out the human race.

6. The Buddhist Rapture Happens: Buddha returns to Earth and offers to take all true-believing Buddhist to Nirvana. Everyone else has to stay behind and contemplate their navels. Religious nut-jobs use nuclear weapons to wipe out everyone just for spite.

7. Insect Revolution: The insects rise up and bite everyone until they die. Only Ringo Starr and Paul McCartney spared.

8. Nuclear Weapons Legalized by NRA: After a massive political push by the NRA, small, tactical nuclear devices are legalized. The first home invasion sets off a chain reaction engulfing the United States. The fallout cloud does the rest.

9. Alien Ships: They land in every major city and what walks out are Tyrannosaurus Rexes in silver uniforms with laser pistols. They are pissed that all the dinosaurs area dead.

10. The Armies of Mordor: Turns out, the Lord of the Rings wasn’t fiction. The Armies have been amassing for centuries and they burst forth through a giant hole in Northern Europe wiping out the continent overnight. After several tactical nuclear strikes, it turns out the radiation just makes Orcs stronger and madder.

Copyright 2012

└ Tags: aliens, armies, Buddhist, electrocution, Insects, Intellectual, mimes, Mordo, nuclear weapons, nukes, Paul McCartney, Rapture, Ringo Starr, serial killers, Super Frat, Ten Apocalypses You'll Never See, Ten Things You'll Never See, The Happening, Tony DiGerolamo, Tyrannosaurus Rex, World Wide Suicide, zombie

1 Comment

Mar25

Your Fratoscope: March 25, 2012

by tonyd on March 25, 2012 at 12:01 am

If your birthday is this week: Good news. The space debris will not hit you this week, but you will be suffering from Space Madness.

Aries: You discover that the pushy nun you met, was a dominatrix. That’s probably why she used you as an ottoman for an hour.

Taurus: The stars say, your next wrestling match will turn into a sensual adventure.

Gemini: You will wake up with the words, “This is mine!” written on your ass in lipstick.

Lemini: This week, you’ll notice the pork shoulder you’re eating has a tattoo on it.

Cancer: You will open your freezer and three penguins in camo gear will jump out yelling, “Go-go-go! No man left behind!” They will be carrying a bag of those frozen wings you like.

Leo: You will get punched by Justin Beiber. It won’t hurt and even you won’t be able to sue him for assault with a straight face.

Virgo: Your boss will demand your password to Facebook and that porn site you like.

Libra: You will walk in your cat masturbating to America’s Cutest Dog. Even he’s not a cat person apparently.

Scorpio: You will cut yourself shaving. Next time, be more careful around your genitals.

Sagittarius: You’ll get pulled over for speeding, but the cop lets you go. Not because you’re good at getting out of a ticket, but mostly because the cop doesn’t want to hear you explain why you have a full blown erection.

Capricorn: A homeless person will insult your wardrobe choices. The people on the street in the immediate vicinity will agree.

Aquarius: You will not only find out that your Congressman is corrupt, he’s also the one that’s been stealing your newspaper.

Pisces: Your new webcomic will delight fatties like yourself because it’s about food.

└ Tags: Aquarius, Aries, astrology, Cancer, Capricorn, comedy, frat boy, funny, future, Gemini, horoscope, humor, Lemini, Leo, Libra, parody, Pisces, predictions, psychic, Sagittarius, Scorpio, Taurus, Tony DiGerolamo, Virgo, Your Fratoscope, zodiac

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