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Dec31

Frat Boy At the Movies: Django Unchained

by tonyd on December 31, 2012 at 12:02 am

Django Unchained is a pretty decent action movie that everyone is raving about as if it had a God-like cinematic quality.  It’s good, but it’s not THAT good and here’s why.

Django starts Jamie Foxx as Django, Christopher Waltz as the man who frees and mentors him and Don Johnson, Leonardo DeCaprio, Jonah Hill and Walton Goggins as various Southern racists and Samuel L. Jackson in probably one of his best roles ever.  The basic plot you probably know.  Waltz is a bounty hunter and only Foxx’s Django can identify his targets.  He frees Django and they both discover he has a natural affinity for being a gunslinger.  Eventually, the duo go after Django’s wife, who is owned by Leonardo DeCaprio’s character.

Directed by Quentin Tarantino, the movie moves well and has a pretty solid story.  But Tarantino is still doing a remake here of sorts.  More of a “reimagining” of the original Django.  (The actor who played the original Django, Franco Nero, has a cameo as a losing Mandingo fighter owner.)  Personally, I’m not a huge fan of that, but since I didn’t see the original Django, it didn’t bother me.  But since the original Django didn’t involve a slave turning into a gunfighter, why even call the movie Django?  The answer probably is that Quentin Tarantino is a movie geek and he loves the movie.  This is his homage.

But homages don’t rise to the level of greatness.  There are derivative movies that do.  Star Wars is an incredibly derivative movie that borrows from many sources but is still a pretty great movie.  I seriously doubt people will be watching Django 20 years from now.  Pulp Fiction, on the other hand, is a classic; a great movie with original scenes.  Everything in Django is a composite of something else, mixed with relentless N-bombs.

The audience in the theater loved this movie, but they were the same audience that loved Inglorious Basterds.  Something I found uneven, weird and with an incredibly misleading trailer.  Django holds up a lot better, but I don’t think the audience knew the difference.  Django feels more like an event or product.  Calling Django Unchained a great movie, is like calling Quentin Tarantino, Orson Wells or calling a roller coaster an epic piece of art.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good action movie.  The sequences are well done and most of it makes sense.  (Although, don’t check Wikipedia for the year that dynamite was invented.)  But it’s Die Hard, not the Godfather.  With that in mind, I give Django Unchained 7.5 keggers out of 10.  Totally worth seeing.

└ Tags: action, Bounty Hunter, Christopher Waltz, cinema, Die Hard, Django, Django Unchained, Don Johnson, film, Franco Nero, Frat Boy at the Movies, Jamie Foxx, Jonah Hill, Leonardo DiCaprio, movie, N-word, Quentin Tarantino, racists, rating, review, Samuel L. Jackson, Southern, Super Frat, The Godfather, Tony DiGerolamo, Walton Goggins
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Dec31

Tony D’s DVD Reviews in Haiku: Get the Gringo

by tonyd on December 31, 2012 at 12:01 am

Mexican Prison

Mel Gibson as bank robber

Like Lethal Weapon

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Dec30

Your New Year’s Fratoscope

by tonyd on December 30, 2012 at 12:01 am

If your birthday is this week:   Your pizzaman is stalking you.  He doesn’t want to have sex, just deliver all your food.

Aries:  You will be punched by a farm animal.

Taurus:  The stars say, avoid the cheese you farty bastard.

Gemini:  Your Polish Land Lady will continue to pay you rent in 2013.

Lemini:  A snowstorm in your home town will not prevent you from going out for pancakes.

Cancer:  Your sex doll will start working for a pimp and from then on it will cost you $200 for sex.

Leo:  You will become the first person ever to get into a car accident with a plane that’s in mid-flight.

Virgo:  Your saloon theme “STD’s in the late 1800’s” is not as successful as your business plan envisioned.

Libra:  You’ll discover that shaving off all your body hair and eyebrows is not a New Year’s Resolution, it’s just weird.

Scorpio:  You will lose track of all the brothers in a frat you’ve had sex with and have to start over with the A’s again.

Sagittarius:  You will be rejected for a blimp license and will need to seek alternative transportation.

Capricorn:  This week, the buzz about the office will be all about that stain on the back of your pants.

Aquarius:  You will finally be let out of the supply closet you were locked in during the office Christmas party a week ago.  Boy, did you shit a lot on that copier.

Pisces:  You will make wise choices with your Game Stop gift card so you can spend New Year’s capping bitches on Xbox Live.

└ Tags: Aires, Aquarius, Aries, astrology, Cancer, Capricorn, comedy, funny, Gemini, horoscope, humor, Lemini, Leo, Libra, New Year's, parody, Pisces, predictions, Scorpio, Super Frat, Taurus, Tony DiGerolamo, Virgo, Your Fratoscope, zodiac
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Dec29

Ira’s Drunken Recipes: English Trifle

by tonyd on December 29, 2012 at 12:01 am

Ingredients:  One pound cake, Bird’s Custard mix, whipped cream, assorted fruit, milk chocolate chips, one bottle raspberry brandy, four bottles of Rolling Rock, one deep trifle bowl, one girlfriend.

Step 1:  Get into argument with girlfriend because you “never do shit”.

Step 2:  Go to her Facebook page, find out English Trifle is her favorite dessert.

Step 3.  Search Internet for Trifle recipes.  Figure if that douchebag Ramsey can do it, so can you.

Step 4:  Purchase ingredients, drink Rolling Rock while regretting decision to make trifle.

Step 5:  Cut up pound cake into flat pieces.  Soak in brandy on baking tray.

Step 6:  Take swig of brandy, decide it’s too sweet, drink another Rolling Rock.

Step 7:  Mix up Bird’s Custard, reward self with brandy shot.

Step 8:  Mix whipped cream, reward self with brandy shot.

Step 9:  Wash and slice fruit, reward self with brandy shot.

Step 10:  Get thirsty.  Drink another Rolling Rock, reward self with brandy shot.

Step 11:  Line bowl with brandy-soaked cake.  Drink unabsorbed brandy from baking tray.

Step 12:  Pour entire bowl of custard in.  Remember you’re supposed to layer custard with other stuff.

Step 13:  Scoop out custard while drinking fourth Rolling Rock, blame girlfriend for dessert mess.

Step 14:  Call girlfriend.  Leave incoherent angry message about her “custard shit”.

Step 15:  Reward self with brandy shot.

Step 16:  Pour fruit in bowl, realize stems and seeds were included, say “Fuck it.”

Step 17:  Pour whipped cream, forget layering again.  Say, “Fuck it.”

Step 18:  Pour in rest of ingredients.  Stir up bowl even though recipe doesn’t call for that.

Step 19:  Regret phone call, call back girlfriend to apologize incoherently.

Step 20:  Finish off brandy bottle while eating trifle and crying.

Step 21:  Throw up in trifle bowl, pass out.

Step 22:  Wake up later, place trifle in fridge not realizing it’s topped with vomit.

Step 23:  Pass out in room.  Awaken later to find frat brothers eating trifle.

Step 24:  Laugh and vomit.

└ Tags: Bird's Custard, Brandy, brothers, chocolate chips, comedy, custard, drinking, drunk, English Trifle, frat, fruit, fruit brandy, funny, girlfirend, humor, Ira's Drunken Recipes, layering, milk chocolate, passed out, raspberry brandy, Rolling Rock, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, vomit, whipped cream
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