If your birthday is this week: You will find a penny and pick it up and all day long, you’ll have a rash because there was something disgusting on that penny which is why it was on the ground in the first place.
Aries: You will wait in a Comic Con line for 8 hours, only to find out that it’s Stan Lee’s nap time and you’ll have to come back.
Taurus: Spiderman will swing into the restaurant where you are eating and point out a mistake on your bill.
Gemini: A man claiming to be Superman will save you from falling off the building, but he’ll insist you let him take a picture of your tits afterwards.
Lemini: Your boss will discover that your made up religious holiday, Yom Komikon, isn’t real and was just an excuse to go to San Diego.
Cancer: You’ll give the Hulk a ride and find out his farts smell like mint.
Leo: Batman will kick in your hotel door, beat the shit out of you and then realize he’s on the wrong floor. Awkward!
Virgo: Half way through your Sunday Dungeons and Dragons game, you’ll realize that you are being less geeky than everyone at Comic Con.
Libra: You’ll meet a really hot chick at Comic Con and let her write her phone number on your copy of Amazing Fantasy #15. It turns out to be a fake number.
Scorpio: You will discover that the cosplayer you banged at Comic Con wasn’t in the suit when you finished.
Sagittarius: You’ll go to Comic Con and spend the entire time in “comic” panels about TV shows that have never been comics.
Capricorn: The stars say, you will realize too late that Comic Con has jumped the shark and that the two grand you blew could’ve been spent on a really attractive hooker.
Aquarius: Someone dressed as Deadpool steals your wallet, despite dozens of witnesses at Comic Con, the culprit is never caught.
Pisces: You’ll remember to register for Comic Con sometime this week.