1. Han Solo shoots Greedo’s brother in the face.
2. Luke Skywalker cuts off the heads of like, 100 Stormtroopers.
3. Lando Calrissian turns Cloud City into an awesome space casino.
4. Princess Leia beats the shit out of an Ewok.
5. R2D2 gets a voice translator.
6. C3PO beats Chewbacca at chess.
7. Chewbacca rips off C3PO’s arm and beats the shit out of an Ewok.
8. Boba Fett returns.
9. The three prequels are revealed to be a dream.
10. Jar-Jar Binks get pushed out an airlock.