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Your Cheatin' Goth
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Buddy Virus Returns
Romance is Dead
We Hate Your Girlfriend
The Cycle of College
Love or Ice Cream?
Not That Much of a Bro
Goth Pledge
Say It With Pants
Colorado Road Trip
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Determined Depression
College Brain Surgery
A Dick in Time
Mar01

Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies

by tonyd on March 1, 2014 at 12:01 am

TonyAngry

Movies are expensive, bros and I got Netflix.  So if you want my ass in the theater seat, you’d better deliver or at least lower the price of popcorn.  I used to see all the movies that came out, but not any more.  Here now is Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies.

Mr. Peabody and Sherman:  Sorry, I’m a fan of the original, which is perfect.  You reimagine my childhood, I’m out.

Divergent:  Hmm, that’s a funny way to spell Twilight 5.  (6 if you count Vampire Academy, 8 if you count the Hunger Games.)

Nymphomaniac:  And how is this going to be better than any porn with this premise?  And I have to watch Shia LaBeouf?  Pass.

Noah:  Bible characters kicking ass?  C’mon.  I mean, of all the characters Russel Crowe could play, why this?  There’s not going to be any guns.  What?  Is there a fist fight scene with the rhinos?  Pass.

Rio 2:  No.

Transcendence:  This entire movie was done in an X-Files episode, so why should I pay $12 to see it?  I predict this will hit Netflix so fast anyway, the next time I see it will be to pass by it to download another movie that begins with “T”.

A Haunted House 2:  No.

Robocop (again):  I heard from a guy that downloaded illegally that he regrets watching it.  That’s enough for me to save my money.

Anchorman 2 (again):  I kinda wanna see this, but why is it back in the movies again?  This should already be on HBO or something.

Non-Stop:  Oh, gee, a whole movie of actors trapped on a plane?  Look, Liam Neeson was great in Taken, but Taken was also a well-written and well shot movie.  All these Taken knock-offs are just annoying.  But, it’ll probably be better than The Grey.

Okay, that’s enough for now.  I’m going to watch reruns of Tosh.0.

└ Tags: A Haunted House 2, Anchorman 2, cinema, comedy, Divergent, films, funny, Hollywood, humor, movies, Mr. Peabody and Sherman, Noah, Non-Stop, Nymphomaniac, Rio, Rio 2, Robocop, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, Transcendence, Why I'm Not Seeing These Movies
Comments Off on Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies
Feb28

Rewritten Headlines: Kennedy to Obama

by tonyd on February 28, 2014 at 12:01 am

RewrittenNewsDeskWerewolf

Rich Person to Skate Free Soon

James Bond Loves Webcam Girls

Funeral Attendance No Longer Mandatory

13 Percent of Adults Are Old

Self Congratulatory Award Show to Get Barraged With Insults From Lazy Fatties

Fighting to Become Less Cool

SMU:  Special Mummies Unit

Shamu’s Pimp Hand Strong

Everything Better With Cheese

Researchers Getting Lazy

Politician Likes Young Boys

└ Tags: cheese, comedy, current events, funerals, funny, headlines, humor, internet, James Bond, Kennedy, Mummies, News, Obama, Oscars, parody, Rewritten Headlines, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, whales
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Feb26

Twitter in Focus: Blake Anderson

by tonyd on February 26, 2014 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus, where media comes to die!  Today’s contestant is Uncle Blazer himself, Blake Anderson from Workaholics.  He’s funny on the show and he’s funny online.  Let’s see what he’s tweeting.

@UncleBlazer

February 14th:  “Thong Song on repeat happy valentines day shaking my damn head”

Nice!

February 17th:  “Angel Dust & Pizza Crust”

Makes for a damn fine party until your arrest.

February 17th:  “Dear @ComedyCentral , I love you guys so much, can we make a Workaholics pinball machine???”

That would be sweet.  You could spell out “Blake”, “Ders” and “Adam” for the triple ball special.

February 19th:  “Tonights Workaholics might be the weirdest episode in the history of our show. Its my tied for first place favorite episode of the season.”

Aw, crap!  That’s the one I missed!  To On Demand!

February 19th:  “Dont Forget…. pic.twitter.com/TbUq1r1bUe”

Totally forgot.  There were just not enough dicks in that reminder.

February 19th:  “Chicken Bone Nowison!!! #Workaholics”

Dammit, haven’t seen it yet!  La-la-la!  La-la-la!  Not listening!

February 19th:  “Its very very difficult to act like you have a small penis I’m on some real Daniel Day Lewis shit this season #Workaholics”

Hardest part?  Trying to find a subject to study.  I keep a very low profile.

February 19th:  “Karl with a riveting performance tonight, a real tour de farts. #EmmyConsideration #Workaholics”

You mean Karl hasn’t been nominated?!  Very loose butthole.

February 19th:  “This is our showrunner @kce00 directorial debut. Very powerful. Something to be proud of and never show your family. #Workaholics”

Next time on a very special episode of Workaholics…

February 19th:  “Thank you for watching #Workaholics pic.twitter.com/3uLOnFV5Xp”

Gotta get caught up before Wed.

February 21st:  “#tbt to when I had free beer :( http://cc.com/ultimate-party”

It’s good to be a celebrity.  Well, it’s Bud Light, so I guess it’s not THAT good.

Okay, let’s rate Uncle Blazer’s tweets.  He’s thrown in some hardcore plugs.  I assume the rest of the week he’s very, very high.  I give him a 7 for Mustness, an 8 for Style and a 9 for Insanity.  That’s an overall score of 8, which I’m bumping to 9 because his show is awesome.  Follow Blaze.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.

└ Tags: actor, Blake Anderson, comedian, comedy, funny, humor, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, tweet, Twitter, Twitter in Focus, Uncle Blazer, Workaholics
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Feb24

Life Skills for Fanboys: Mentoring the Next Generation of Geek

by tonyd on February 24, 2014 at 12:01 am

SF Tony Avatar

Life Skills for Fanboys:  Mentoring The Next Generation of Geek

written by Tony DiGerolamo, Copyright 2014

To further my goal of helping fellow fanboys, I have included an index of links of previous columns with their topics.  Don’t take it personal, I’m just trying to help.  Previous columns are indexed at the end.

The Secret of Civilization

The secret of any civilization is its history.  So too is it that the Geek Community needs to learn from its own history.  But how does one do that?  What practical nuts and bolts events need to happen so that the lessons of the past are heeded, so that the future is not just a repeat of bad history.

The Old Guard

The old guard of any community is often made up of graying old coots, set in their ways.  For decades they fought with the generation above them, until they took over and won.  But that “win”, that coup or revolution, quickly became the Institution.  You beat The Man just to become him.  And soon, the kids arrive, making the same mistakes.  And the old guard fights back using its power, but just as before, the new guard has new tricks, new technology.  Time is on their side and they eventually win.

Thus the cycle continues.

The Noob Guard

The Noobs have a different kind of arrogance.  While the old guard is driven by the thoughts of “respect” for their many years of experience, the Noob Guard sees the old as too cautious.  Too set in their ways.  There’s so much out there!  Why focus on just a few things!  It’s time for daring, new risks for the noobs!

How it Works at a Con

The Old Guard tends to be con organizers or high roller fans with established games, events, etc.  They have the clout and the know-how to pull together whatever they want.  The Noob Guards are college kids and sometimes high schoolers that have just discovered cons.  They’ve arrived to try new games and they won’t be confined by rules or etiquette.

As members of the Geek Community, it’s to our advantage to bring these two camps together.  This will keep us from repeating history’s mistakes and make for a stronger convention scene.  But how?

Acknowledge the Community

We need to acknowledge the community through events that honor and recognize the community and bring it together.  Dexcon is especially good at this sort of things.  And I’ve seen it at a few other cons as well.  Usually an introductory event at a three day con is an opportunity to honor the old and welcome the noob.

What the Old Can Do For the Noob

Old Guard, it’s time for you to lead.  That means taking charge in a way that isn’t condescending and is not just about feeding your own ego.  You have to keep your mind open to the new, while teaching the old.

1.  Set an Example:  Taking to heart some of my previous columns here would be a start, if you haven’t already.  If you’ve got your shit together, the noobs are going to try and have their shit together as well.  That’s better for everyone in the community.  If you’re polite, fair, friendly, helpful and knowledgeable, you set the bar for others just entering the community.

2.  Be a Mentor:  Being a mentor doesn’t have to be an official thing.  It’s just that, if you have something to teach, you teach it.  If you see a noob wandering around the con lost, don’t be afraid to say, “Hey, you look lost.  Are you okay?  Do you have a question about the convention?  I’ve been coming here for years, I can probably answer it.”

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been in a Dungeons & Dragons game and watch old players get over on new players simply because the new players didn’t know all the rules.  That’s lame gaming, fanboy.  Be better than that.

3.  Teach the History:  This is a tough thing to do because the Noob Guard rarely wants to listen.  But when you have their ear, teach the history.  “The original Star Wars movies are better, young padawan.  You should see them.”  “Back in the day, we used to bet each other’s Magic Cards.  It was part of the game.”  “If you’re going to start a sci-fi club, pick a weeknight for the meetings, but keep in mind people that have jobs.”  And so on.

What the Old Can’t Do for the Noob

1.  You Can’t Be Cooler Than Them:  You’re old, get over it.  The youngest person in the room always wins the cool contest.  Always.  Besides, you’re the older one, you’re supposed to be over all that crap.  So set your ego aside.  There are going to be noobs that just don’t listen.

2.  You Can’t Boss Them Around:  Sure, you can set limits and rules at a con, but you can’t boss the noobs around like your King Shit of Turd Mountain.  Stick to your guns, but don’t get emotional and bossy.  You’re going to be tested.  Don’t you remember when you were that age?

3.  Have Patience:  There are certain things people need to learn on their own.  You’re just going to have to wait sometimes.  Just be ready to pick up the pieces when things go wrong and you’ll have your opportunity to teach the new geeks.

What the Noob Can Do for the Old

Noobs, you want to help?  Great.  Settle down for two sections and actually read this entire column.  I split it up into subheaders so you wouldn’t just see a wall of text.  Now concentrate.  Here are some tips for you.

1.  Listen to the Old Guard:  This doesn’t mean obey, it means listen.  Yes, sometimes we get long winded and rambly.  That’s the price you pay for a little bit of wisdom.

2.  Think About it:  Okay, heard what I said?  Great.  Now think about it.  Seriously, take a moment, let some of it sink in and start thinking about.  Ah, ha!  See, my advice is good, right?  You can see that shit working out the way I said!  Excellent, now you’re getting it.

3.  Patience and Silence Are Your Friends:  Noobs, if you take away anything from this column, remember that.  You don’t have to jump into the mix right away and you certainly don’t have to go babbling about everything to anyone in earshot.  Slow down.  You’re young.  You’ll live.

What You Shouldn’t Do as a Noob

1.  Don’t Try to Take Charge:  You don’t know what you’re doing, so no, bossing people around isn’t going to help.  How could it?

2.  At Least Read the Rules Before You Break Them:  Yes, people sometimes break the rules and discover that they no longer apply.  But in order to do that, you first must know what they are.  One or two of those rules might actually save you some grief or a night in the Klingon jail.

3.  Being Rude:  It may sound like bravado to your friends, but it just pisses off the Old Guard.  You don’t have to kiss their ass, but have some respect for your elders.

That’s my advice for this week.  So come together, old and noob, and let’s make the Geek Community better.

Previous Columns

Obesity at Cons

The Art of Conversation

Grooming

The Line Between Fans and Pros

Geek Elitism

Convention Panels

Convention Volunteers

Food Gifts

Women and Cons

Get Your Room Party Together

Stop Bringing Your Kids to Cons

The Face of Geek Needs Work

Fixing the Face of Geek

Franchise Worship

Presenting Your Project

└ Tags: Community, cons, conventions, geek, guard, history, Life Skills for Fanboys, mentoring, new, noob, old, rant, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo
Comments Off on Life Skills for Fanboys: Mentoring the Next Generation of Geek
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