Movies are expensive, bros and I got Netflix.  So if you want my ass in the theater seat, you’d better deliver or at least lower the price of popcorn.  I used to see all the movies that came out, but not any more.  Here now is Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies.

Mr. Peabody and Sherman:  Sorry, I’m a fan of the original, which is perfect.  You reimagine my childhood, I’m out.

Divergent:  Hmm, that’s a funny way to spell Twilight 5.  (6 if you count Vampire Academy, 8 if you count the Hunger Games.)

Nymphomaniac:  And how is this going to be better than any porn with this premise?  And I have to watch Shia LaBeouf?  Pass.

Noah:  Bible characters kicking ass?  C’mon.  I mean, of all the characters Russel Crowe could play, why this?  There’s not going to be any guns.  What?  Is there a fist fight scene with the rhinos?  Pass.

Rio 2:  No.

Transcendence:  This entire movie was done in an X-Files episode, so why should I pay $12 to see it?  I predict this will hit Netflix so fast anyway, the next time I see it will be to pass by it to download another movie that begins with “T”.

A Haunted House 2:  No.

Robocop (again):  I heard from a guy that downloaded illegally that he regrets watching it.  That’s enough for me to save my money.

Anchorman 2 (again):  I kinda wanna see this, but why is it back in the movies again?  This should already be on HBO or something.

Non-Stop:  Oh, gee, a whole movie of actors trapped on a plane?  Look, Liam Neeson was great in Taken, but Taken was also a well-written and well shot movie.  All these Taken knock-offs are just annoying.  But, it’ll probably be better than The Grey.

Okay, that’s enough for now.  I’m going to watch reruns of Tosh.0.