Sep04

Rewritten Headlines: Cheese to Sperm

by tonyd on September 4, 2015 at 12:01 am

RewrittenNewsDeskWerewolf

Cheese to Get More Specific Directions for Dumbasses

Government Does Usual Bang Up Job

Formerly Free Internet Thing Will Continue to Try and Get Money

Robots Building Their Way Up to Humans

Liberia Perfectly Safe

Wedding Becomes Awesome

Racism 2.0

Idiots Love Selfies

Kickstarter Still Has Money

England Needs More Wankers

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Sep02

Twitter in Focus: JG Quintel

by tonyd on September 2, 2015 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus!  Where media comes to die!  Today’s contestant is JG Quintel, creator of one of the greatest cartoons on TV right now, Regular Show.  Let’s see what he’s tweeting.  Whooooooa!

@JGQuintel

July 21st:  “We’ve made 100 half hours of Regular Show!!! ”

Syndication!  Whoooooa!

August 6th:  “A new episode of Regular Show airs tonight at 7:30! The Parkie Awards by Maddy and Alex!”

Nice.  I gotta get caught up.  Totally behind this season.

August 13th:  “Regular Show The Movie will be screening in LA for a week! Check it out if you can! ”

It’s awesome that Mordecai is your regular voice. Regular voice, Regular Show.

August 14th:  “Regular Show The Movie opens tonight in LA! ”

One of the few reasons to live in L.A.

August 19th:  “Duuuudes. Last two days to see Regular Show The Movie in LA! ”

Dude!  Tom Selleck has all your water!

August 20th:  “A new Episode of Regular Show airs tonight at 7:30! Local News Legends by Maddie and Alex!”

Lots of promotion, but hey, he’s a busy creator.

August 21st:  “Get ready for September 1st ”

Okay, I can’t complain about the plugs.

August 25th:  “A Half Hour Special of Regular Show airs on Thurrrrrsday. Hmm hmm hmm.”

I’m reading all the tweets in Mordecai’s voice which is JG’s, which makes sense.

August 27th:  “A new Regular Show airs tonight at 7:30! The Dome Experiment half hour special!”

Skips is one of my favorite characters.  Is he a yeti?  Sorta looks like a yeti.

August 28th:  “Here’s a review of the Movieeee! ”

Can’t read it.  Haven’t seen the movie yet!

August 30th:  “Regular Show promo card from 5 years ago. ”

Has it been that long?  Well, 100 episodes, guess so.

12 hours ago:  “OOOOOOHHHHH!!!! Regular Show The Movie is out today! ”

Okay, gotta go see this.

All right, let’s rate JG’s tweets.  I give him a 6 for Style, a 7 for Insanity and a 9 for Style.  That’s an overall score of 7.3.  Follow JG and watch Regular Show.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.

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Aug31

Ten Things I Expect From Fear the Walking Dead

by tonyd on August 31, 2015 at 12:01 am

SF Tony Avatar

  1.  Ruben Blades to say grimly, “I had to do what I had to do.”
  2. A shot of the Hollywood sign with zombies shambling in the foreground.
  3. Zombies shambling over the Walk of Fame stars.
  4. Absolutely no one to reference zombies even though they live in the movie capital of the world.
  5. More misplaced drama that somehow supplants the fact that zombies are constantly trying to kill you.
  6. Everyone’s clothes to become increasingly more like the junkie’s.
  7. A street gang that survives the zombies because they are well-armed.
  8. No one to warn anyone, even though it would be easy just to say, “People are tuning into zombies!”
  9. Characters doing horrible things to obtain weapons, food and water.
  10. The show to turn into a desert version of The Walking Dead by the fourth episode.
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Aug30

Your Fratoscope: August 30, 2015

by tonyd on August 30, 2015 at 1:17 am

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If your birthday is this week:  Your birthday keg will be unable to hold up its birthday candles, despite being covered in icing.

Aries:  You’ll suddenly realize that you never returned that video back to Blockbuster in 1995.

Taurus:  Some rough looking guys from your sanitation department will throw out your mail until you remember to separate paper and plastic.

Gemini:  You’ll spontaneously belch the Star Spangled Banner.

Lemini:  You’ll misinterpret the phrase “dumpster diving” and break your back trying to do a three quarter turn.

Cancer:  A throwing star will land near your feet and a Japanese voice from the shadows will say, “Lil’ help.”

Leo:  You’ll accidentally wash your hands with barbecue sauce and then take up nail biting.

Virgo:  Those collection agencies will keep calling, but the joke’s on them because you’ll be evicted this week!

Libra:  Other responsibilities keep you away from loved ones, as that crack isn’t going to sell itself.

Scorpio:  The store that rents you porno awards you a gold watch.

Sagittarius:  Your stalker sends you a text explaining that he’s decided to stalk other people for a while.

Capricorn:  You’ll discover that main ingredient in mac and cheese is not Big Macs.

Aquarius:  The stars say, accept it.  You suck at gardening.

Pisces:  You’ll discover that your life is too laid back and that it’s almost impossible to vacation from it.

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