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Apr17

Your Fratoscope: April 17, 2016

by tonyd on April 17, 2016 at 12:01 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  Your birthday cake will be a rental.

Aries:  The stars say, beware of strangers bearing gifts because they’re probably just trying to sell you something.

Taurus:  A telemarketer will get bored with you and hang up.

Gemini:  You’ll go to the movies and realize you could’ve spent half the money to see the movie at home without total strangers or without seeing a ton of commercials.

Lemini:  You will be emotionally shattered by a Chinese food menu.

Cancer:  A bear will steal your newspaper because he has to shit in the woods.

Leo:  You will be present when a tree falls in the woods and realize that it does make a sound.

Virgo:  When the cops pull up, you realize that the woman you met on the train didn’t want you to borrow her baby.

Libra:  This week, you’ll duct tape a good friend to a tree.

Scorpio:  You will publish an erotic bumper sticker.

Sagittarius:  Don’t wait up, your cat is doing meth again.

Capricorn:  Brace yourself for a shocker because you forgot to turn off the breaker again.

Aquarius:  The ghost of Walt Disney will ask if you’ll go check on his corpse.

Pisces:  You will drink enough caffeine to go back in time to stop yourself.

└ Tags: Aquarius, Aries, astrology, Cancer, Capricorn, comedy, funny, Gemini, horoscope, humor, Lemini, Leo, Libra, Pisces, predictions, Sagittarius, Scorpio, signs, Super Frat, Taurus, Tony DiGerolamo, Virgo, Your Fratoscope, zodiac
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Apr16

Fat Guy Eats: El Mariachi San Lucas

by tonyd on April 16, 2016 at 12:01 am

SF Tony Avatar

Restaurant:  El Mariachi San Lucas

Address:  118 white horse Rd E, Voorhees NJ 08043

Food:  Amazing

Price:  Above Average

Portions:  Above Average

Taste:  Mind-Blowing

Service:  The Best

Atmosphere:  Mexican Cuisine

The Missus and I decided on some Mexican food for dinner.  I was looking for a place we hadn’t been when I searched and found El Mariachi San Lucas.  I had driven by the place before.  It’s a restaurant that takes up two spaces in the plaza near Echelon Mall.  Initially, the vinyl banner sent the message to me that the place was a lunch place.  But I really wanted to go to some place different, so I was willing to at least walk in.  Happily, it was a nice sit down place with quiet Mexican music playing in the background.

I started with the Crab San Lucas because it sounded like ceviche, which I always wanted to try since seeing it one of the Anthony Bourdain shows.  I asked the waitress, a very friendly woman by the name of Isabella, and indeed this was crab ceviche.  To that, I added Nopales, a salad made of cactus leaves and with all that, I figured I’d better take it easy on the entrée, so four pork tacos.

So first the homemade tortilla chips came out with three kinds of sauce.  The mild tasted like chipotle mayo, the hot was mostly heat, but the medium was a delicious tomatillo salsa that was perfect.  Next up, the ceviche and the Missus ordered a quesadilla with corn mushroom, cheese and lettuce.  Hers was good, but my ceviche was unbelievable.  If you’ve never had it, ceviche is raw seafood cooked by being soaked in lime juice.  It was mixed with diced avocado, tomatoes, onion, cilantro and a bed of shredded lettuce served in a giant martini glass.  Holy crap that was good!  After that, I just wanted two more glasses of it!

Next up, the cactus salad.  The Missus got a house salad with her dinner.  Man, it was awesome.  Grated cheese, more avocado and definitely more lime.  And these limes were fresh because when I eat limes that are kinda old, I get acid reflux.  Did not happen.  By the end of that salad, I was getting full.  But the entrée, also amazing.  Tacos with shredded pork that just melted in your mouth along with cilantro and onion.  No taco sauce required.  I ate two of the four.  The Missus had an enchilada, which I didn’t try but she loved and also couldn’t finish.

The total was a little over 58 dollars.  Way worth it.  And Isabella was gold.  The topper?  She had asked us if we were local and if it was our first time at El Mariachi San Lucas.  That, apparently, earns you a free dessert!  I, sadly, am on a diet and avoiding it.  The Missus however loved the coffee flan.  Oh, and I almost forgot, she started us off with a sample of Horchata and Mexican Sweet Tea.  Tasty and sweet.  The Missus got a Horchata to go.

What an incredible experience.  This is the easiest rating I’ve ever given a place.  10 out of 10 keggers.  Get yourself over to El Mariachi San Lucas for an authentic Mexican food experience.

kegkegkegkegkegkegkegkegkegkeg

└ Tags: Anthony Bourdain, Cactus, ceviche, Echelon Mall, El Mariachi San Lucas, enchilada, Fat Guy Eats, Horchata, New Jersey, NJ, Nopales, plaza, salad, Super Frat, tacos, tomatilla, Tony DiGerolamo, tortilla chips, Voorhees
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Apr15

Rewritten Headlines: Apes to Sausage Smuggler

by tonyd on April 15, 2016 at 12:01 am

RewrittenNewsDeskWerewolf

Planet of the Apes Sequel in Works

Guilt Overwhelms Old Man

Salty Snack Saves Life

Fugitive Seafood Escapes

Beautiful People Spawning

Brothers Continue to be Assholes to Siblings

Robots Coming to McDonald’s

Dick Cheney Getting Weird

Godzilla Awakens

Sausage Smugglers Stopped

└ Tags: apes, Blake Lively, brothers, comedy, current events, Dick Cheney, Drones, funny, Godzilla, guilt, headlines, humor, Japan, McDonald's, minimum wage, News, octopus, potato chips, Rewritten Headlines, Rewritten News, robots, Ryan Reynolds, sausage smuggler, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, zombies
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Apr13

Twitter in Focus: Deaf Frat Guy

by tonyd on April 13, 2016 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die.  Today’s contestant has a Twitter account made for this column.  He is Deaf Frat Guy.  Let’s see what he’s tweeting.

@DeafFratGuy

March 21st:  “Trump Fragrance is said to capture the spirit of the driven man with a masculine combo of vetiver, geranium, tonka beans and notes of musk.”

I gotta imagine his fragrance smells like fresh dollar bills, whiskey and ignorance.

March 21st:  “Anyone who puts geranium and tonka beans in their fragrance to give it a more masculine character is batshit crazy- and a genius.”

Trump is definitely both.

March 31st:  “Sometimes I get a little bummed out about my hearing.”

Look on the bright side, you don’t have to hear your girlfriend tell you about their day.

April 1st:  “It is with profound sadness that I announce Poochie’s Uncle has died from the Zika virus. APRIL FOOL’S!!! HELL YEAH POOCHIE’S UNCLE”

Poochie has an uncle?  They have really expanded that Itchy & Scratchy Show.

April 1st:  “Poochie’s Uncle sat on his balls again!”

Wow, what is he?  60?

April 1st:  “Moose just ass-fucked Caitlyn Jenner!! Nah, April Fool’s!”

Who is in your frat?  The entire gang from Riverdale?

April 4th:  “I like breast.”

Well, duh, you’re in a frat.

April 4th:  “Are you FOPU? (Friend of Poochie’s Uncle)”

I’m seeing a t-shirt concession.

April 4th:  “Seaworld phasing out live Orca theatrical shows by 2019 = JV or ALL BALLS?”

It’s the only way we’ll get orca steaks back in Trader Joe’s.

April 4th:  “So far the vast majority of dudes think Seaworld phasing out its Orca theatrical shows by 2019 is JV. Some bros are pissed.”

Really?  I mean, it’s not a great place to pick up chicks or even to take a date.  Plus no alcohol.  Where’s the upside?

April 7th:  “Medics were shocked to find an 18-inch long cassava root, carved into a phallic shape, stuck in a 55-year-old local man’s anal cavity.”

See?  Can’t see that at an orca show.

Okay, let’s rate this bro and his superpower of not-hearing.  I give him a 7 for Mustness, an 8 for Style and a 9 for Insanity.  That’s an overall score of 8.  Follow Deaf Frat Guy.

And if you have suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.

└ Tags: comedy, Deaf Frat Guy, funny, humor, Moose, orca, Riverdale, Seaworld, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, tweet, Twitter, Twitter in Focus
Comments Off on Twitter in Focus: Deaf Frat Guy
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