If your birthday is this week: Your birthday cake will come to life and insist you wish for something different.
Aries: Your barber assures you a “joke haircut” is all the rage.
Taurus: Your online avatar will max out all your credit cards.
Gemini: Either you’re going to find a dollar on the street or someone will find your 1995 tax return where you reported a loss of a billion dollars.
Lemini: This week, your waiter will insist you get your own food since you “look like you need the exercise”.
Cancer: You will discover that attempting to switch lanes while buttering a biscuit in rush hour traffic, makes the cop you side swipe even madder when he finally pulls you over.
Leo: Your Facebook profile will attempt to delete you.
Virgo: The stars say, Michael Keaton will show up at your house, insisting you said his name three times.
Libra: Good news, your poker rival is bluffing. He hasn’t got a good hand, he’s just planning to mug you when the card game is over.
Scorpio: You’ll adjust someone else’s junk at a soccer game.
Sagittarius: You’ll try a new ice cream flavor the server calls “Chocolate Sock”.
Capricorn: Siri will notify you that your political post on Facebook is a waste of your phone’s battery.
Aquarius: You’ll make the last Star Wars reference that anyone wants to ever see on the Internet.
Pisces: Your Pokemons in Pokémon Go will demand health benefits.
