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Feb05

Your Super Bowl Fratoscope

by tonyd on February 5, 2017 at 12:01 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  STFU until the game is over!  Who cares how old you are!

Aries:  You’ll face a lot of heartbreak and strife this week, mainly because you’re a Falcons fan.

Taurus:  Your three bean dip will be the source for many stinky farts and several nasty sharts, so put down some plastic over your couch.

Gemini:  You’ll discover that no matter how close you get to the TV, you can’t tell if Brady deflated the ball or not.

Lemini:  This year, you’ll spend less time masturbating during the half time show, mostly because of all the people in the room that are watching the game with you.

Cancer:  You’ll discover that guacamole is a poor projectile to throw at the ref on your TV.

Leo:  You’ll realize that your bet on the Patriots isn’t valid, because that guy you met in a Subway isn’t a licensed bookie or wallet inspector.

Virgo:  Your attempt to call Tom Brady to tell him to do a lateral pass is met with voice mail again.

Libra:  Your attempt to upstage Gaga’s half time show by wearing meat goes over well.

Scorpio:  After many years, your porn watching is actually slowing down the Internet by 1%, give your genitals a rest.

Sagittarius:  You’ll find yourself peeing in a trough, then realize you’re home in your living room and that you have to pee trough in your house.

Capricorn:  Your guests will notice that your nachos are nothing but nacho-shaped piece of cardboard.

Aquarius:  The stars say, 21-17 Patriots over the Falcons.

Pisces:  You’ll be able to run all your errands with no traffic whatsoever.

└ Tags: 40th president, Aquarius, Aries, astrology, Cancer, Capricorn, comedy, frat boy, funny, future, Gemini, horoscope, humor, Lemini, Leo, Libra, Pisces, predictions, Sagittarius, Scorpio, signs, Super Bowl, Super Frat, Taurus, Virgo, Your Fratoscope, Your Super Bowl Fratoscope, zodiac
Comments Off on Your Super Bowl Fratoscope
Feb04

Ten Things You’ll Never Hear in a Bowling Alley

by tonyd on February 4, 2017 at 1:15 am

  1.  “Man, it’s quiet in here.”
  2.  “I can’t smell anyone’s feet.”
  3.  “Why does the snack bar only serve health food?”
  4.  “This is a perfect place for a baby to take a nap.”
  5.  “I’m sure the previous user of the alley bowling ball washed his hands.”
  6.  “Wow, the bathrooms are really clean.”
  7.  “Is that Stephen Hawking in the next alley?”
  8.  “Don’t worry, I can easily operate this automatic score board.”
  9.   “This alley is in perfect working condition.”
  10.  “Those are the most well-behaved children I’ve ever seen.”
└ Tags: Bowling, bowling alley, comedy, funny, humor, list, Super Frat, Ten Things You'll Never, Tony DiGerolamo, top ten
Comments Off on Ten Things You’ll Never Hear in a Bowling Alley
Feb03

Rewritten Headlines: Troll Population to Butt Criminal

by tonyd on February 3, 2017 at 12:01 am

Assholes Will Multiply

All Consumers Need to be Heard

Just Another Day in Florida

Babies Climbing Into Dishwashers

Really Awful Jobs Available

Frog Scientists Take Long Time to Discover Most Important Thing

Bonus Pics Unappreciated

Trump Gets First Surrender

Man Needs More Bullets

Government Worker States Incredibly Obvious Fact

Stinky Gold

└ Tags: assholes, Babies, bullets, butt, Butt Criminal, Cats, comedy, consumers, current events, dishwashers, Florida, frogs, funny, gold, government, headlines, humor, jobs, Man, Mobile Phone, News, pics, pot, Rewritten Headlines, Rewritten News, South Park, spiders, spit, stories, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, Troll Population, Trump
Comments Off on Rewritten Headlines: Troll Population to Butt Criminal
Feb01

Twitter in Focus: Michael Malice

by tonyd on February 1, 2017 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die.  Today’s contestant is Michael Malice, Fox Pundit and subject of Harvey Pekar’s graphic novel, Ego and Hubris.  I just found out about this GN, gonna have to check it out.  Anyhow, let’s see what Harvey found so fascinating.

@MichaelMalice

First off, that name.  Sounds like he should be a villain in some post-nuclear dystopia.

9 hours ago:  “if you actually believed in small government, you’d agree that “bitter obstructionism” is the best possible way to govern.”

Well, as a Libertarian, I have to agree with that.

4 hours ago:  “#SickBurn @ACLU” Re:  So, since the ACLU defends Nazis, is it okay to punch the ACLU? Asking for an orange-tinged friend.

Poor ACLU.  They get picked on so much at Fox.

4 hours ago:  “#IMPEACH #LiterallyShaking #Resist” Re: 1. There are 3 Dem Senators who are preemptively surrendering to Trump before he even announces his SCOTUS pick

So is he against Trump?  With Trump?  Hard to tell from this post out of context.  I mean, he’s on Fox, but he might be the token Democrat on whatever show he’s on.

4 hours ago:  “apparently these NYers can resist a makeover tho. yikes.”  Re: NY can resist Trump & keep streets & immigrants safe w #greenlightNY bill @yuhline @FranciscoPMoya @scottmstringer http://bit.ly/2jNx8Mr 

There’s a lot going on in this tweet.  Trump, NY, a podcast link—  It’s a 140 characters people, just stick to that.

4 hours ago:  “TROLLING 101: Use the phrase “our president” as frequently and casually as possible.”

Okay, he’s on board with Trump apparently.

4 hours ago;  “so do we still love democracy or no” Re: Reuters/Ipsos has new poll data on Trump exec order favor: 49 oppose: 41 Don’t know: 10

Not really saying much here.  I guess he’s just trying to be flip on his Twitter?  I mean, that’s fine, whatever.  He likes Trump, whatever.  If you’re going to get into a democracy discussion at all about executive orders, it kinda doesn’t matter who they come from.  They’re not Constitutional.

4 hours ago:  “well looks like the turns-water-into-blood plague came right on schedule.”  Re:  http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/01/31/firehose-lava-flows-kilauea-volcano-sea/

I would classify these as “not quite jokes”.  Kinda like you were working on a joke and then two thirds the way through it, you just threw the index card in the trash.

2 hours ago:  “Thousands of people are now getting flagged by the government as they search for info about “Anthony Weiner child pornography charges””

Damn, Anthony Weiner is in BIG trouble.  Bet retirement from politics and divorce looks pretty sweet by comparison.

2 hours ago:  “Thank the libertarian movement for promoting the “most interesting man in politics””  Re:  Rand Paul

You’re welcome, but he’s not Libertarian, he merely leans our way.

52 minutes ago:  “I think Mutetown has one? Didn’t you just move there?”  Re: Hey @michaelmalice can you let us know which libraries have copies of Ego and Hubris so we can read it for free?

Not sure if he’s trying to insult the guy or be funny.  Neither one of them is landing like a joke for me.  I cut out the names of the people he was talking to.

Overall pretty confusing.  I guess I’ll have to read the graphic novel to get a better sense of this guy.  I give Michael Malice a 9 for Insanity, a 4 for Style and a 10 for Mustness.  That’s an overall score of 7.3.  Follow Michael or at the very least, check out Harvey’s Graphic Novel if you see it.  You can check out Michael’s website, here.

If you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.

└ Tags: Anthony Weiner, comments, Ego and Hubris, Fox News, graphic novel, Harvey Pekar, jokes, Michael Malice, pundit, rating, retweets, review, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, tweet, Twitter, Twitter in Focus
Comments Off on Twitter in Focus: Michael Malice
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