Feb17

Rewritten Headlines: Surprise Boobs to Brother Meth

by tonyd on February 17, 2017 at 12:01 am

Actress Gets Lots of Hits

State of Florida Totally Uncool

Iron Survives For Another Era

Mortal Kombat Bleeding Into Real World

The Squirrel That Gotham Needs

Star Trek Spin Off Stinks

Florida Courts Totally Uncool

Horny Man Comes to Senses

Man Looking for Ride

Monk Likes to Party

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Feb15

Twitter in Focus: Artemis Pebdani

by tonyd on February 15, 2017 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die!  Today’s contestant is Artemis Pebdani, Artemis from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia!  Let’s see what she’s tweeting.

@Shmartemis

November 9th:  “2016, man. What a year of unfathomable suck.”

Yeah, can’t argue with that.

November 9th:  “Xanax. Tonight. And every night for the next four years. And yeah mobilize and fight and all that. And Xanax.”

Nah, I’ll stick with iced tea.

November 13th:  “Boo to me-I got live shows Sunday nites. But I watch Zorn as soon as I get home and regret all the possible cyber fun times we could’ve had.”

Man, everyone’s got shows.  I gotta get shows to do.

November 24th:  “It’s that time of existence y’all. Give this Thanksgiving and help Water Protecters protect themselves! ”

That seems like a lifetime ago.

December 4th:  “I admit it, I cried. Cheers to the Water Protectors! Dakota protesters WIN bid to stop Standing Rock pipeline”

Yeah, I though that would be the end of it, but…

January 20th:  “Winter is here.”

Not in New Jersey.  Winter kinda stopped by, but left before morning.

January 20th:  “Man he’s laying out some really good points, maybe we should wait and see how this works out. Haha just kidding we’re fucked.”

Meh.  Either way.  Y’know, except Libertarian.  That would’ve been cool.

January 20th:  “Remember when when Elvis shot out his TV? I get it now.”

Yeah, me too.  It’s been quite a six months.

January 28th:  “Breathe it out.”

Wow, she’s way behind on her tweets.  Who could blame her?  She’s in a ton of shows.

Okay, let’s rate Artemis.  I give her a 6 for Mustness, an 8 for Style and a 9 for Insanity.  That’s an overall score of 7.3.  Follow Artemis.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.

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Feb13

Fratty or Not Fratty with Pledgemaster Dick

by tonyd on February 13, 2017 at 12:39 am

Our pledgemaster, Indestructible Dick, may not know Math, Science, English Literature, History or any other class he’s taken, but he knows what is Fratty.  Stand fast, bros.  Your pledgemaster is about to bring down judgement upon you!

Pokemon Go:  Not So Fratty

It’s been an awesome game, but where are the updates?  These guys have really been doggin’ it.  Plus there are many players gaming the system.

Taboo:  Fratty

Pretty much anything with Tom Hardy is awesome.  The guy nails it in this new show.  Creepy shit, bros.

Valentine’s Day:  Never Fratty

What could be worse than a forced holiday where you can’t get a fucking restaurant reservation?

Onion Rye Bread:  Pretty Fratty

Where has this been?!  Delicious, bros.  Can’t make PB&J with it, but all deli meats taste better with Onion Rye.

Liberals:  Definitely Not Fratty

These guys used to be about free love, people’s rights and all that happy hippie shit.  Now they’re just so whiny.  Get back to your roots, Liberal bros.  And stop posting on Facebook like that means something.

Archer:  Still Fratty

God damn, I could watch those reruns all day.  So jam packed with references.  Every second kicks ass.

East Coast Snow:  Not Fratty

This fuckin’ weather.  Cold, hot, cold, hot, snow, rain—  Jesus, make up your God damned mind!

Schitt’s Creek:  Pretty Damn Fratty

There’s this new channel called “Pop”.  I think it’s Canadian.  Anyhow, this show includes Eugene Levy, Katherine O’Hara and Chris Eliot.  Do I need to explain why you should be watching it?  Levy’s son, Daniel, is pretty damn hilarious in it.

 

 

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Feb12

Your Fratoscope: February 12, 2017

by tonyd on February 12, 2017 at 12:01 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  You’ll be used as an excuse to stop working and eat cake this week.

Aries:  You’ll be assaulted by cupcakes.

Taurus:  This week, be on the look out for the Hamburglar.  He’s on parole.

Gemini:  You will get a collect call from the last working cellphone in America.

Lemini:  The hitman assigned to kill you commits suicide after observing your life for a week.

Cancer:  The Scientologists you meet on the bus decide that you’re not quite right for their organization.

Leo:  You’ll drop some acid and bowl a 7 in three games.

Virgo:  You will receive a record number of Valentine’s Day cards with typos in them.

Libra:  You’ll download an app that will threaten to make your browser history public unless you send the creator $500 a month.

Scorpio:  The NSA will send you an email recommending that you check out better quality porn sites.

Sagittarius:  A cop will pull you over for singing the wrong lyrics to pop songs in the car.

Capricorn:  Your filthy car’s GPS keeps directing you to car washes.

Aquarius:  Total strangers will walk up to you and criticize your clothes, so it’s official, everyone’s jealous of you.

Pisces:  You’ll spend a lazy Sunday helping Nicholas Cage solve a 200 year-old mystery and fighting Chinese gangsters.

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