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Your Cheatin' Goth
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We Hate Your Girlfriend
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Apr29

Ten Things I Expect from the Trump Tax Plan

by tonyd on April 29, 2017 at 1:49 am

  1.  Breast implants will be tax deductible.
  2.  You can ask for your tax return back in the form of Trump Casino chips.
  3.  Write-offs for any Ivanka Trump product purchases.
  4.  Random lucky taxpayers get all expense weekend in Mar a Lago.
  5.  Private jet staff now considered dependents.
  6.  No W-2 forms for anyone with a toupee.
  7.  Box for donating money towards the Wall.
  8.  Tax return can now be tweeted instead of mailed.
  9.  Audits now conducted only by Trump relative.
  10. Checks made out directly to Defense Industry company of your choice.
└ Tags: comedy, funny, humor, IRS, Ivanka Trump, list, private jet, Super Frat, taxes, Ten Things I Expect, Tony DiGerolamo, top ten, Trump tax plan
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Apr28

Rewritten Headlines: Pirate Seals to Horn Swipe

by tonyd on April 28, 2017 at 12:01 am

Pirate Seals

A Potential Cat-tastrophe

Airline Really Trying to go Out of Business

Immigrants Coming to America Longer Than Previously Thought

Man Has Priorities

Movie Star Takes Minimum Wage Gig at Park

Whale Couldn’t Cover Gambling Debts

Government to Screw Up Porn for Everyone

Tourist Bad at Relaxing

Rare Animal Needs to Get Laid

 

└ Tags: airline, beer, cat, comedy, current events, FCC, funny, hammock, headlines, humor, internet, Johnny Depp, movie star, New Jersey, News, pirate, rabbit, seals, Super Frat, Tinder, Tony DiGerolamo, tourist, United, whale
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Apr26

Twitter in Focus: Derek Waters

by tonyd on April 26, 2017 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die!  Today’s contestant is Derek Waters, creator of Drunk History.  Let’s see what he’s tweeting.

@derekwaterss

November 29th:  “1 of the many reasons I’m thankful for the Hamilton #DrunkHistory tonight. Love #davegrohl Wearing a “Disco Sucks” shirt. Next week spolier”

Dave Grohl was on the show?  I must’ve missed that one.

November 29th:  “It’s all cause of you Gags. Thank You!”

End of the season?  Must be plenty of tweets after this.

January 15th:  “Couldn’t be more excited and thankful to be doing this show again. Thanks to everyone who made it happen. ”

Ah, he’s like me.  If he didn’t have something to promote, he probably wouldn’t be on Twitter at all.

February 10th:  “Can’t wait! Get your tix below. Thank you @Chriswitaske My next guest for @SoYouDoComedy is the creator and host of @drunkhistory Derek Waters! Mon, Feb 27th @ucbtla Tix: http://bit.ly/2kNeLpN ”

I’m surprised Drunk History is a West Coast show.  Felt more like it was a New York thing.  Oh, well, guess that’s were all the guests are.

February 23rd:  ” Doing “so you do comedy” hosted by @Chriswitaske this Monday night 830 @ucbtla #facebooklivebaby https://www.instagram.com/p/BQ3xVJWjaPM/ ”

Hmm, Derek must be too busy to tweet.

March 15th:  “Great Scot-land! @ Edinburgh Castle https://www.instagram.com/p/BRq3TeuDSON/ ”

That’s a nice castle.

Okay, let’s rate Derek’s Tweets.  Not much here.  He’s more of a retweeter than a tweeter.  I give Derek a 5 for Mustness, a 7 for Insanity and a 9 for Style.  That’s an overall score of 7.  Follow Derek and watch Drunk History.  It’s pretty funny.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.

└ Tags: busy, Castle, comedy, Dave Grohl, Derek Waters, Drunk History, funny, humor, rating, review, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, tweet, Twitter
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Apr24

Ira’s Drunken Recipes: Root Beer Float

by tonyd on April 24, 2017 at 12:42 am

Ingredients: One Margarita, six beers, bottle of spiced rum, ice cream, large glass, wastepaper basket.

Step One: Go out with girlfriend, agree to drink margarita’s with her.

Step Two: Check out hot female bartender’s ass.

Step Three: Get into argument with girlfriend, refuse to follow her out of the bar.

Step Four:  Hit on hot bartender, get turned down.

Step Five:  Become annoyed.  Drink like six beers.

Step Six:  Stagger back to campus with plastic margarita glass.  Decide a root beer float should go inside it.

Step Seven:  Fill margarita glass with root beer.

Step Eight:  Add spiced rum while taking several sips from the bottle.

Step Nine:  Put ice cream in glass.

Step Ten:  Watch float bubble up and all over the table and then the floor.

Step Eleven:  Drink float.

Step Twelve:  Become nauseated because part of the margarita was still in glass.

Step Thirteen:  Throw up in wastepaper basket, but most of it hits the side on the outside.

Step  Fourteen:  Call girlfriend, make drunken promises.

Step Fifteen:  Realize you’ve call the Campus Information hotline and are crying to a recording.

Step Sixteen:  Drink more float.

Step Seventeen:  Vomit.

Step Eighteen:  Decide more root beer will fix drink.

Step Nineteen:  Realize there’s no more root beer.

Step Twenty:  Drink much of the rest of spiced rum.  Black out.

└ Tags: bottle of spiced rum, college, comedy, drunk, funny, girlfriend, humor, ice cream, Ira, large glass, margarita, recipes, root beer float, six beers, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, university, wastepaper basket
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