If your birthday is this week: You will find out that your birthday cake isn’t hurricane proof.
Aries: Your comic book collection floats for a while, but eventually sinks along with everything else in your living room.
Taurus: You can’t believe it’s not butter, but it is.
Gemini: Your trampoline will blow away in the storm, but three more from other yards will take it’s place.
Lemini: The stars say, it’s too late to evacuate for the hurricane and hunkering down in the knife store probably isn’t the best idea either.
Cancer: You’ll invent a new video game based on taking a shit, but everyone will have trouble wiping with their controller.
Leo: You’ll get turned around during the hurricane and accidentally loot your own house.
Virgo: Your side business will be adversely hurt by the hurricane, because almost no one buys crack during a storm.
Libra: Your allergies won’t bother you during the hurricane because you’re not allergic to being trapped on the roof after a flood.
Scorpio: You’ll discover that sex in a hurricane literally blows.
Sagittarius: You’ll discover, spraying your tits with Flex Seal doesn’t make an instant poncho.
Capricorn: This week, your trip to Disneyworld will be self-serve.
Aquarius: Your commute to work gets four blocks shorter because your house floats that way.
Pisces: You don’t live in Florida, so you have a very dry week watching the news.
