Aug04

Rewritten Headlines: Pee Wee’s Pants to Freddy Krueger’s Tacos

by tonyd on August 4, 2017 at 12:01 am

Pee-Wee Herman Sees Horrible Movie

Bad Girlfriend Gets Comeuppance

Just Another Day in Florida

Family Night Goes On Too Long

Nudist Goes Bad

First Federation Officer to be Hired

Carnies Can’t Save Customers

High School Even Shittier Than You Remember

Botulism More Convenient

Freddy Krueger Stops for Tacos

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Aug02

Twitter in Focus: Alex Hirsch

by tonyd on August 2, 2017 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die!  Today’s contestant is Alex Hirsch, creator of Gravity Falls!  Let’s see what he’s tweeting!

@_AlexHirsch

July 14th:  “STEP RIGHT UP KIDS! The Gravity Falls Graphic Novel is OFFICIALLY announced! New tales! Unsettling monsters! The death of your headcanons!”

Cool.  I managed to completely miss the cartoon somehow.  I’ve heard many good things.

July 16th:  “THEY CANT BOTH BE EVERYTHING. MAKE UP YOUR MIND INTERNET”

Not true.  I think they can both be everything that sucks.

July 16th: “Guys we’ve reached Peak Everything”

I dunno.  They just keep making better and better porn.

July 16th:  “It just happened again”

Between those two tweets, 20,000 porn movies were made.

July 18th: “I think this is a cry for help”

We definitely haven’t reached peak weird YouTube.

July 18th:  “”Don’t Color This Book” is out today! If you like Gravity Falls, coloring, and hallucinations you NEED this book! ”

Man, those hipsters can’t get enough coloring books these days.

July 18th:  “I asked & to make the weirdest coloring book possible & they did NOT disappoint. This is only a peek @ their depravity”

Nice.  Now THAT’S a goal.

July 22nd:  “Signing books today at 1:00 at SDCC booth #1129! Come let me devalue your book with my signature!”

I’m sure that was a mob scene.  It always is.

July 22nd:  “Found my Co-Captain ”

Ha!  Nice.

July 23rd:  “GET ME OFF THIS RIDE ”

That is exactly what SDCC feels like btw.

July 23rd: “Addams Family Reboot ”

On the water this time!

July 23rd: “Who let these people onto the boat ”

Looks like a blast.

July 23rd: “Not sure exactly what happened but it happened a lot ”

Room party!  Room party!

July 23rd: “Rude”

And that’s how Nerd Ebola started.

July 30th:  “That time Grunkle Stan broke into the stadium and commandeered the organ ”

No idea.

July 31st:  “I have tasted the sauce ”

Aw!

July 31st: “Rick & Morty held its premiere party in the Alcohol Dimension ”

Good for you guys.  Looks like fun.

Okay, let’s rate Alex’s tweets.  Alex made SDCC look like a blast.  I give him a 9 for Insanity, an 8 for Mustness and a 10 for Style.  That’s an overall score of 9.  Follow Alex.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.

 

 

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Jul31

Ten Things I Expect on the New PC Game of Thrones

by tonyd on July 31, 2017 at 2:13 am

Let’s face it.  Game of Thrones has lost its edge.  What was once the most surprising and dynamic show on TV is now merely okay.  Here’s Ten Things I Expect on the New PC Game of Thrones.

  1.  Jamie Lannister insists on being referred to as “handi-capable”.
  2.  Arya Stark goes back to school to get college degree.
  3.  Bran Stark allowed closest space in castle to park horse.
  4.  White Walkers changed to “Multi-Ethnic Walkers”.
  5.  Sam to rewrite scrolls and books in gender neutral terms.
  6.  King Geoffrey raised from the dead to apologize.
  7.  Montage scene of Mother of Dragons raising adorable, but clumsy dragon pups.
  8.  Baelish comes up with a devilish scheme to get Sansa the perfect birthday present.
  9.  Queen Cersei decrees an end to the gender pay gap.
  10.  Jon Snow is a clumsy, but well-meaning king that falls in love with Daenerys Targaryen and after several wacky misunderstandings, they fall in love and get married.
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Jul30

Your Fratoscope: July 30, 2017

by tonyd on July 30, 2017 at 12:01 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  It’s summer, so friends grill you a birthday cake.

Aries:  Your original charcoal etchings are worthless as no one wants to see Rosie O’Donnell in the nude.

Taurus:  You’ll severely burn your gums before you realize rappers’ teeth aren’t actually dipped in gold.

Gemini:  You’ll be intensely interrogated by the cops regarding your enormous parade float dedicated to time bombs and cocaine.

Lemini:  You’ll burn your hands making fries until you realize what the basket in the deep fryer is for.

Cancer:  At the atheist retreat at the beach, your sunburn will spell out “God wuz here.”

Leo:  Closing your petting zoo by barbecuing the exhibits turns out to be a bad but delicious idea.

Virgo:  The comedians at your roast dispense with insults and go right to punching you in the balls.

Libra:  You will discover several leprechaun’s in your car’s grill after your drive around Dublin.

Scorpio:  Your doctor advises that the only way to get rid of the striped bruising is to stop banging prisoners.

Sagittarius:  This week, Bear Grylls will knock on the restroom stall and ask if you can give him a drink.

Capricorn:  Under relentless questioning from your girlfriend, you’ll finally admit that she does kinda look fat in that outfit.

Aquarius:  The ghost of Peter Cook will appear to you and have to explain who he is.

Pisces:  Your car engine turns out not to be the best place to grill a steak.

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