If your birthday is this week: Your party will be interrupted by a waiter, who will ask if anyone else is coming.
Aries: You will eat a cupcake that tastes like earbuds.
Taurus: Your costume is too “racy” for the prudes in your neighborhood that are pants-obsessed.
Gemini: Several adult-sized “trick or treaters” will shake you down for full sized candy bars.
Lemini: You’ll realize that it’s way too easy for people to notice the razorblades if you put them in applesauce.
Cancer: Giving out pickles turns out not to be popular in your neighborhood during Halloween.
Leo: The stars say, putting all your candy on the stoop and relying on the “honor system” is lazy, but a quick way to get rid of those Mary Janes from last year.
Virgo: Everyone throws out your homemade treats, not because it’s dangerous but because they know you can’t cook.
Libra: If you keep throwing garlic at every “vampire” that comes to your front door, you’re never going to be able to cook any Italian food later.
Scorpio: After having sex in costume, you’ll realize your genitals might’ve been in the wrong hole or vice versa.
Sagittarius: You’ll realize that the long line of “hobos” that knocked on your door are actually hungry homeless people.
Capricorn: Your Halloween part is great fun, especially for those bank robbers that hide out at your place until the cops drive past.
Aquarius: The neighborhood kids chuck eggs at your for giving out packets of carrots and they’re right to do so.
Pisces: Don’t worry about your diabetes! It’s a holiday!
