Your Fratoscope: January 22, 2017
on January 22, 2017 at 12:01 am
If your birthday is this week: Your sex doll is conspicuously absent from your birthday party.
Aries: Someone will break into your house and eat all the vanilla in your Neopolitan ice cream.
Taurus: You will notice far too many boogers this week, even on hot chicks.
Gemini: Your werewolf neighbor will eat your wind chimes.
Lemini: You’ll suddenly realize that inauguration is over and Mike Pence isn’t going to return your umbrella.
Cancer: The stars say, wipe down your seat at the gym, no one wants to smell like you.
Leo: Your ex will tag the 2nd worst photo of you on Facebook.
Virgo: Dennis Leary will accidentally pocket dial you and you’ll get to hear him eat Pop Tarts.
Libra: Someone will write a very nice comment on your YouTube video, followed by the word “Psyche!”
Scorpio: You do not have enough eggrolls in your freezer for your gangbang, better stock up.
Sagittarius: Check your seats this week or you’ll end up sitting on a pie.
Capricorn: You’ll win a small slot machine jackpot and spend it all stuffing your face with shrimp cocktail.
Aquarius: You’ll try pesto for the first time.
Pisces: You’ll spend another lazy Sunday chasing leprechauns with a lawn mower.
