1.  My fingers don’t orange.
  2.  No mysterious “spicy” fish to ruin eating experience.
  3.  Don’t have to be stoned to enjoy them.
  4.  Easy to steal bag from babies who always have them.
  5.  Dropping fish cracker under couch attracts far less ants.
  6.  Can be added to chowder or soup without criticism.
  7.  Practically health food compared to Doritos.
  8.  Pepperidge Farm remembers that I like mild cheesy goodness.
  9.  Fish crackers rarely break into tiny little triangles.
  10.  Takes twice as long to feel bloated and hate myself after eating a bag.