Oct03

Your Fratoscope: October 3, 2010

by tonyd on October 3, 2010 at 12:01 am

If your birthday is this week: Your friend’s wedding turns out to be a great place to hook up and have sex. As a bonus, the priest is a very gentle lover.

Aries: The stars say get some exercise. Instead of eating fried ice cream, deep frying some sugarless ice cream. Baby steps, Chubs.

Taurus: It turns out, that “true love” you met last year and had a baby with? Yeah, that horoscope was meant for Gemini. We typed them in one sign off. Sorry.

Gemini: Still no luck finding “the one”, huh? Maybe porn is your destiny. You do like the smell of hand cream.

Lemini: This week, you’ll be forced to learn the rules of bowling after being corrected by the lane manager for screaming “Four!” with every ball.

Cancer: This week, you’re gonna get punched for some shit you did. Try not to flinch too early. We don’t want that psycho who will be wailing on you to know that we told you.

Leo: Bad news is, your car gets keyed. The good news is, it says, “I think I love you!”

Virgo: Your campaign to get on the fuck list fails. It turns out, you’re a Fem Bot anyway.

Libra: This week the ghosts of the Wright Brothers appear to you and tell you that you will never be a pilot. When you explain to them that you don’t want to be a pilot, they ask to see some I.D. and then get directions to another house.

Scorpio: The scientist you hire explain that they can clone you, but that you’ll have to wait the 18 years to have sex with yourself. Tough break, pervo.

Sagittarius: The stars say, for God’s sake, just order a cheeseburger. Everyone at the table is hungry and you never order anything else anyway.

Capricorn: Your attempt to “get ahead of the pack” this week works well with job interviews, but fails miserably with Trick or Treating.

Aquarius: Your boss will chew you out at work for something a coworker did. Try not to let it bother you. Your coworker is, deep down, a nice guy and his wife is amazing in the sack.

Pisces: Your research hits a snag when the monster escapes. You really oughta do that shit in a lab instead on your apartment balcony.

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Oct02

Frat Boy At the Movies: The Social Network

by tonyd on October 2, 2010 at 2:35 am

It’s a great movie, bros. Everything you’ve heard, tweeted and posted is true. Mark Zuckerberg has 500 million friends and, according to this movie, is an asshole.

Aaron Sorkin’s script is as tight as Zuckerberg’s Facebook code. The movie follows his inept socializing at Harvard, his genius idea and then how the genius idea may or may not have really been Zuckerberg’s. It’s left to the audience to decide.

Eisenberg is perfect to play Zuckerberg. Neurotic, intense, nerd to the extreme, Sorkin’s script pushes him a little over the top, but its believable. Timberlake as the Nappster founder is pretty awesome as well.

The story is really the story of Facebook and how it came to be. It’s told via flashback during two lawsuits that Zuckerberg had to deal with after the site hit big. This is framed around Zuckerberg’s inability to connect with real people one on one. The site is a metaphor for his distancing of people.

The story is also one of betrayal, friendship, love and how people sometimes really don’t know how to deal with something as big and as crazy as Facebook. Only Timberlake’s character really has the vision to see it and the skill to see it through. The movie is two hours and it just flew by. A great flick that probably deserves an Oscar for best script and best actor.

I give it a 10 out of 10 Keggers. Go see it, bros.

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Oct02

Frat Boy At the Movies: The Town

by tonyd on October 2, 2010 at 2:11 am

Honestly, I didn’t want to like “The Town”. After what Ben Affleck did to Daredevil, it’s hard to forgive, but I have to say it’s a pretty good flick. Affleck stars and directs himself where he is comfortable, in Boston. Other than the BS about Charlestown producing the most bank robbers in the world (a weird claim made during the opening credits that isn’t true), the story is about modern Boston gangsters.

Affleck, trapped in the crime-ridden Charlestown after blowing his chance at major league hockey, turns to crime. He’s smarter than the rest of his cohorts, but eventually comes to the conclusion that he needs to get out. His suicidal gangster buddy won’t be satisfied until everyone is in jail or dead.

The most improbable part is that when the group takes a bank hostage, Affleck then goes to “check” on her, but ends up talking with her and dating her. They fall in love, but later the FBI reveal Affleck’s true colors. Will she turn him in or run away with her? Blake Lively plays the hot ex-girlfriend. Hot!

So it’s a typical gangster story about a very smart gangster. The ending is almost a little too smart for its own good, but still somewhat satisfying. Personally, I’d prefer a more “classic” ending, but you be the judge. Worth seeing. I give The Town 7 keggers out of 10.

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Sep29

Twitter in Focus: Dave Matthews

by tonyd on September 29, 2010 at 12:01 am

Hey bros! Welcome to Twitter in Focus, where media comes to die. Today’s contestant is Dave Matthews! Yes, that Dave Matthews, bro. I know, I know, I run a college-related website and you’ve been wondering where is the Dave Matthews section? Why no Dave Matthews? Will there be Dave Matthews? Shut up already, here he is.

August 31st, 2009, 11:47pm: “I had a very good day. But the frog in my throat turned out to be a cane toad.”

Holy crap. I think you’d be dead if that were true.

September 1st, 4:08am: “I’m afraid my voice is f*cked. I’m sorry if I sound like shit. Doctors. Give that horse a shot so he can finish the race.”

You don’t have to censor yourself, Dave. This is the internet. Go fucking nuts.

September 1st, 2:41pm: “I’m very sorry for cancelling the show. I guess a snow day is better than early retirement. I just hate cancelling shows. Broken contract.”

Dude, your throat is your bank. Gotta protect that.

September 2:44pm: “The fact that the cancellation happened in salt lake again is even more frustrating. Im truly sorry. If you see me in the grocery store….”

September 2:45pm: “Flip me the bird.”

I do that to people anyway. Don’t take it personally. It’s like aloha to me.

September 1st, 2:48pm: “I should stop eating frogs and horses or I’ll go the way of the old woman that was and swallowed a fly. She’s dead of course. Thanks y’all”

That doesn’t rhyme, you must really be sick.

September 1st, 2:53pm: “I’m getting a little chalk board to talk. Maybe I’ll just crawl back under my quiet musky rock. I like bugs and critters. No pot of gold.”

Well, don’t forget your iphone so you can still Twitter.

September 1st, 2:58pm: “What if everyone’s Twitter picture was of them flipping the bird. Maybe for a couple days. Maybe forever. Meant well or not. Just fun no?”

You know, you have a lot of followers, but no recent posts. I think you need to push that harder if you want it to happen.

September 1st, 3:25pm: “Birds birds birds”

That’s just the fever talking, Dave.

September 1st, 4:25pm: “Thanks for the fingers. I’ll get mine up when I’m near my computer.”

I have a feeling you’ll be out of time after you get healthy.

September 3rd, 12:36am: “http://yfrog.com/0ulovj United afront Hello”

You should add the English version in there too.

September 4th, 4:10pm: “I would suggest that we should not take the bird flipping public as the majority of people would not understand and things might get ugly.”

No, no, it’ll be cool. Like when everyone was saying, “Smell you Later”.

September 4th, 4:13pm: “The finger has an ability to cause instant anger and I would hate anyone to get slapped or popped in the head for it. Leave it on Twitter.”

Spoil sport.

October 20th, 6:55pm: “Danny Barnes’ new album Pizza Box is out today on iTunes. I love the man and I love his music. You will too.”

Very hillbilly.

October 20th, 5:56pm: “Its my favorite rock record my favorite country record. I can’t stop listening. Get a song for free @ http://dannybarnes.com.”

Great, now you’ll follow him and forget to tweet for months.

February 9, 2010, 3:53pm: “http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhMJR-29En0”

Um, okay. Guess you’re done with twitter.

Let’s rate Dave’s tweets. Mustness, definitely a 0. Looks like Dave is done. For Style, I give him a 7 and for Insanity a 2. That’s an overall score of 3. Too bad. Guess Dave is off the grid following Danny Barnes. Come back, Dave! Come Back! If you have a suggestion for twitter in focus, email us here.

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