Nov17

Twitter in Focus: Carrie Fisher

by tonyd on November 17, 2010 at 12:01 am

Hello, bros! And welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die. Today’s contestant is a favorite of mine. I am not a rabid Star Wars fan (although I am a fan), but I am an even bigger fan of Carrie Fisher. Let’s see what Princess Leia is tweeting.

October 5th: “Leaving for Australia to perform my show Wishful Drinking- wearing my fathers pinky ring lugging two packed suitcases-…”

You really ought to make your droids carry them.

October 5th: “Would appreciate any suggestions on BEST place to buy fire opals & soft nitegowns & the BEST way or place to celebrate Halloween down under?”

I don’t know about the first one, but you should probably stock up on Foster’s, shrimp and barbies.

October 5th: “… also I’ve been eating a lot of bacon since my fathers passing. It must be my unique way of grieving.”

Sorry to hear that. If you like bacon, here’s a bacon song that always cheers me up.

October 19th: “Had my first show in Sydney last night……AWESOME audience! They liked me! They really liked me! But more to the point, I LOVED them!”

Any shouts of, “Do Angela’s voice! Do Angela’s voice!”

October 19th: “My hope is that tonight’s assemblage is as good!”

Look at you doing all these shows. Yeah, performing is way better than writing sometimes.

October 19th: “I do my last show as a 53 year old tonight! Spending my last minutes of 53 as an Australian spectacle……”

You’re 53? Really? Holdin’ up nice.

October 19th: “up to very little or all good down under……. Yours very truly, Lubby Marfubble Soup McFuckler……”

I don’t know what that means, but it made me laugh.

October 21st: “Thank you guys so much for helping me turn 54. I couldn’t have done it alone. I don’t look a day over 53.”

C’mon, you look good. Besides, it must be refreshing to see guys look you in the eye once in a while.

October 28th: “I’m no good at this self promo shit- they want me to tell you- they have released the last remaining tickets to come see me at the Athenaeum”

I think if you curse alot, you’ll be fine. You’re one of those people that’s funny to watch curse. You seethe with actual anger, but you kinda look small and harmless. I think that’s why they cast you in the Blues Brothers movie.

October 28th: “The extra shows are tonight, tomorrow and Saturday at 8 pm- the last remaining tickets are priced at $60…”

The fucking tickets. Remember. Funny.

November 6th: “In Adelaide to perform Wishful Drinking- in the mean time I’m watching a show on Hitler’s bodyguard- bliss(ish)”

Hey, you’d probably like Hipster Hitler. It’s a really funny webcomic.

November 6th: “I promise this is the last time i do this… Please come see me in Wishful Drinking in Adelaide & Perth- I’d be so grateful- otherwise…”

Yeah, I used to feel bad about self promoting on my Twitter. Then I just decided to stop…feeling bad.

November 6th: “They’ll make me do even more publicity then the to much they already have & then we’ll all be as sick of me in Australia as I’m getting 2b”

Don’t worry, they’re Aussies. They’ll forget everything once they sober up.

November 10th: “What the fuck has Obama done so far? http://www.whatthefuckhasobamadonesofar.com/”

Yeah, sadly the opposite website is just too depressing to build.

Okay, let’s rate Carrie’s tweets. A little self-promoting, but not too much and she had the right amount of humility about it. So for Insanity, I give her a 7, Mustness I give her an 8, but for Style, that’s an easy 10. That’s an overall score of 8.3. You gotta follow Carrie, how could you not? This is the Twitter you’re looking for. And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.

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Nov14

Your Fratoscope: November 14, 2010

by tonyd on November 14, 2010 at 12:01 am

If your birthday is this week: Your Civil War reenactment will get out of hand after the Confederates spot a barista in Starbucks that resembles Abe Lincoln.

Aries: The monster you built from reanimated corpses will ask to leave your Rocky Horror Picture Show party early. It will be deeply offended by the movie and spend the rest of the week asking you, “Is that how you see me?!”

Taurus: Make a left. No, I mean right! Right! Right!

Gemini: Sting will come to your house and tell you the lyric, “If you love someone set them free” doesn’t really apply to you because you’re annoying.

Lemini: A bike accident will leave you missing a testicles. This will be bad news for your Organ Bike Messenger Service.

Cancer: Porn jumps the shark for you on Thursday, say the stars. Looks like you bought that six pack of hand lotion for nothing.

Virgo: This week, you’ll barbecue a dirty sock you found in the trash. Maybe you should refill that medication ahead of time.

Libra: You’ll get into a fight with a one-legged man and lose. In your defense, he does manage to wrestle the gun out of your hand.

Scorpio: The stars say, stop practicing sex therapy without a license. And just because you’ll fuck a couple doesn’t necessarily make you a therapist.

Sagittarius: Your car breaks down in a very bad neighborhood. Everyone there looks exactly like Kevin Smith and won’t stop talking about Star Wars.

Capricorn: You will piss yourself laughing at the next DVD movie you watch. Unfortunately, you ruin your friend’s couch and should you really be laughing at Schindler’s List?

Aquarius: This week, you’ll pwn former Vice President Gore on XBox live. He will call you a “little bitch”.

Pisces: The stars say, just because you pee in the sink doesn’t mean you can take a dump there too.

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Nov13

Frat Boy At the Movies: Hereafter

by tonyd on November 13, 2010 at 2:43 am

Hereafter stars Matt Damon as a retired psychic that has given up using his gift to help people and Cécile De France as a newscaster whose brush with death tunes her into the same kind of power. Clint Eastwood has become quite an amazing director, but be warned, this is Eastwood’s French film. That means, it’s long, slow and very talky. There is a killer opening, very exciting, but things quickly grind to cruising speed until the third act.

(Spoilers)
Damon is a former psychic who doesn’t want to use his gift, but his brother (played by Jay Mohr— Wait a minute, Jay Mohr? How’d he’d get into a Clint Eastwood movie? Man, I want his agent.) wants him to use his power for money. Meanwhile in Europe, a French newscaster has a near death experience that she can’t shake. In England, a boy dies and his twin brother can’t accept his death.

It all eventually comes together, but it takes what feels like forever. Ultimately, the movie is really about a psychic coming to terms with his powers. Eastwood fills us in on all the details of the three main characters. It’s vivid, but slow. (Did I mention it was slow?) The cinematography is pretty breathtaking.

If you’re like me and you need a vampire or robot beating the crap out of each other in every reel, you’ll probably be bored out of your mind except during the opening. The movie kind of sucks you in with the opening, then burns up all its cred and just when you’re ready to take a nap or leave, finally the main characters come together. Even if you do think its boring, you have to acknowledge the craft here. The movie is visual, the characters are real and the story is about people.

I’m a bit torn by the movie. I preferred most of Eastwood’s other films. I thought Invictus was amazing and I don’t like sports movies. Unforgiven is one of my favorites and Gran Torino was a great movie for him to go out on as an actor. I guess I could’ve done with some more special effects or psychic stuff. It just felt like forever until the characters met and I don’t know if their journey was all that interesting.

Still, it has so much to offer. I would say it’s definitely a rental and if you want something more laid back with a European feel, you’ll like it. I give it a 6.5 out of 10 keggers.

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Nov13

Frat Boy at the Movies: Due Date

by tonyd on November 13, 2010 at 2:25 am

Due Date stars Zach Galifianakis and Robert Downey, Jr. Downey plays an expectant dad trying to get back to L.A. for the birth of his baby. Zach is his usual off beat self.

This movie suffers from exactly the same problem as Dinner with Schmucks. Zach, being the Schmuck, is so unbelievably annoying from the get-go, that Downey has no reason to team up with him. A much better version of this movie, Planes, Trains and Automobiles, has Steve Martin stuck with John Candy because the weather snows him in. In Due Date, we’re expected to believe that Downey is stupid enough to put his wallet inside his bag and doesn’t get it back when Zach gets him thrown off a plane. (Spoilers coming)

Although it is established that Downey’s temper gets him into trouble, it’s still hard to swallow that he can’t keep his shit together for a few minutes just to get into the air. Later, Downey’s plan is to maybe steal a rental car, because without an I.D. and credit cards, he can’t rent one. This is still a bit of a stretch, as it seems he’s annoying enough to get thrown off a plane and put on a “no-fly list”, but not get arrested. If that’s the case, sure the airline would’ve taken some pity on him. If he had a plane ticket, then he must’ve HAD I.D. to get on the plane.

Okay, putting aside all that, Downey gets in the car with Zach and they are one their way. But almost immediately, Zach has to stop and buy pot. On the one hand, he’s anxious to help Downey and get to Hollywood, but on the other he needs to get high? When it’s revealed later (big Spoiler) that Zach actually held on to Downey’s wallet, this kind of negates this pot stop. If he’s SO desperate for Downey’s attention, why stop for pot when Downey objects? It’s just another excuse to be annoying and place Downey’s character into annoying situations.

It all comes off as annoying because it’s not organic. Later, Zach busts Downey out of a Mexican holding trailer just across the border. By that time, I was calling bullshit on the whole movie. The whole Zach character starts off way too big and annoying and the script struggles to heighten, but either fails or forces.

In Planes, Trains and Automobiles, Candy’s character is actually pretty likable and friendly. His actions are relatively normal, so you can believe Steve Martin is willing to share a ride with him. Downey’s character should’ve beaten the shit out of Zach at the end of the first act and left him bleeding by the side of the road.

Is it worth seeing? Both actors are okay, but they’ve both been better in so many other films. Zach is genius in the Hangover and Downey is brilliant in Sherlock Holmes. If you’re a completist, this is a rental at best.

I give Due Date 3 out of 10 keggers.

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