Yo, bros! Welcome to Twitter in Focus, where media comes to die! Our archive is fixed and we’re back in action! Today’s contestant is Doug Stanhope, Libertarian comedian. I recently discovered Doug’s amazing stand up special, “No Refunds“, via Reddit and YouTube. Funny fuckin’ stuff. Although his twitter is not verified, this one sounds pretty legit. Let’s dive in, shall we?
December 16th: “Fuck Jesus/Santa – pray to 4Chan- dear 4Chan, please stop Mike Vick from leading pro bowl votes. I know you love cats but dogs aint so bad.”
Yeah, I’m torn about this, I have no investment in organized sports whatsoever, but the guy did his time. Time to forgive him or is he only forgiven because he’s playing well. But yeah, he shouldn’t lead the votes.
December 16th: “”Toys for Tots” is as charitable in the spectrum of need as would be “Diamonds for Debutantes.” Fuck the dying,… http://fb.me/NTRfVM03”
Jesus Christ, if this isn’t Doug Stanhope’s Twitter, it’s an amazing fucking imitation. Brutally honest as always. Yeah, I have to agree. Way bigger priorities in this world.
December 17th: “Apologies but I lived thru the surgery – perhaps its the drugs but thanks to all for everything – I think I love… http://fb.me/QLBBgdB4”
Congrats. How’s the new vagina?
December 18th: “Documentary binge on Netflix – check “Restrepo” – best Afghan war doc by far – also “Collapse” with Michael… http://fb.me/NZYF7QWS”
Yeah, I heard good things. Gotta check it out.
December 18th: “Way to live up to the “UnBookables” standards, Travis. You should have saved this one for the documentary…. http://fb.me/DEVKYrvx”
At least he wasn’t driving a Harley.
December 19th: “Day 3 after surgery with still no sign of poop. Laxatives, coffee, smokes, h20 – nothing working. Please take a… http://fb.me/DNRNCcpt”
Brutal. Recovering from surgery sucks so much as. Especially if they put you under. If there is a next time for me, I’ll just say, “Cut me open, I’d rather be in screaming agony then have to spend the next two weeks trying to stay awake.”
December 20th: “Football allows me valuable time to reflect on all the more important things I could be doing with my life and… http://fb.me/QyGVJmE2”
Congrats. This is officially the most shit references on a twitter I’ve read to date.
December 21st: “Again, I’m lumped in with kid-fuckers on CNN – at 3:40 mark mentions my “Fun with Pedophiles” book…. http://fb.me/Q7U5FiBV”
You think Dr. Gupta read past his Amazon search? I’d bet money he read whatever his assistant handed to him.
December 21st: “Take Jury Duty! Slight glimmer of hope – please share…… http://fb.me/NRyKpmvO”
Good news, Travis! Soon you’ll be able to crash on the real thing!
December 22nd: “Need to have my Celebrity Death Pool 2011 picks in this week – got 20 picks – 100 points for a correct pick minus their age so Abe Vigoda is only worth 21 points. Input?”
Whatever you do. Don’t pick Abe Vigoda. That guy’s going to live to be 500.
December 27th: “Phi Eagles and NFL are mincing, hairless back-pussies. Cancel a fucking game for snow? You should play in footie pajamas, you baby-tits.”
It was Vick’s fault. A pack of rabid pitbulls trapped him inside Pat’s Steak for 36 hours.
December 27th: “My Kwanzaa Sock hung by the space heater remains empty. What up wit dat?”
You forgot about the Hanukkah zombie so it’s a push.
December 28th: “Here’s my segment from Charlie Brooker’s WIPE review of the year, on BBC2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQGqXUNe4XE http://fb.me/OEhkpaCL”
Yeah, TV news is just so useless. I only watch it to see what the masses are thinking. It’s just sad.
December 31st: “Someone tell Dave Chappelle to email me. Thanks.”
Chappelle, email Doug. Thanks.
December 31st: “Louis CK’s “Hilarious” well worth checking out.”
Yeah, you can’t go wrong with Louis. Kind of like the Coen Brothers and True Grit.
December 31st: “NYE Drunk Skyping for Other Losers! Leave your Skype and we’re calling randomly for the next couple hours.”
And just think, those drunk calls used to cost a fortune.
December 31st: “Sorry – Drunk Skyping strangers takes too much work. But we tried. See you on the road and we’ll Skype in person.”
Sorry, I would need my headset and have the software running. That software is a bear.
January 3rd: “New update over at main site, www.dougstanhope.com. Sign up and we’ll send you them. http://fb.me/E7SHezJF”
If you sign up, bros, tell them Super Frat sent you.
20 hours ago: “Roman Polanski doc “Wanted and Desired” amazing. Hitler killed his mother, Manson killed his preggo wife – wont be… http://fb.me/SdhCe7DU”
Dog is gay? But he has a such a manly mullet.
19 hours ago: “Another A+ doc – “Street Fight” – brazen, open corruption of Newark mayor race makes Haiti look like Mill Valley.”
Yeah, that’s the way we roll in NJ.
6 hours ago: “Nigger, please. Is there another fucking planet we can colonize with the logical?… http://fb.me/HPZwJOTa”
Now I know why you wanted to talk to Chapelle.
4 hours: “Playing Santa Barbara, Velvet Jones, Saturday March 5th. Tickets from the usual…. http://fb.me/RMlxQH5K”
$20? That’s a good deal, bros. I wish I was out West to go. Buy ’em up!
Okay, let’s rate Doug’s tweets. Style, I give him a 7, he’s got a unique Style. Insanity, 9, he’s pretty crazy. And for Mustness, definitely a 10, he’s pretty reguarly posting even though it comes from his Facebook feed. That’s an overall score of 8.6. Definitely worth following and check out his stand up, it’s pretty incredible. And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.
