May06

Rewritten Headlines: Bin Laden to the Brain

by tonyd on May 6, 2011 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros:

It’s time for the news, the way it should be written.  I like to write the headines so it gets to the damned point!  Why don’t the newspapers hire a tactless guy like me?

Real: Photos Show Three Dead Men at Bin Laden Raid House

Rewritten: Bin Laden’s Bodyguards Not as Good as Advertised

Real: Jacob Lusk Voted Off ‘American Idol’, J.Lo and Lady Antebellum Perform

Rewritten: Television Show Continues to Destroy Culture in US

Real: Jesse James Ex-Wife to Release Book “Exposing” Him

Rewritten: Perez Hilton Still Has Website

Real: Without Space Shuttle, astronaut corps gets smaller

Rewritten: Temp Service Obtains Guys With Better Work Stories Than You

Real: Lastpass alerts users about potential masterword password breach

Rewritten: That Little Basket That Catches Coins, Looking Better and Better

Real: Contraceptive Pill Protects From Cerebral Aneurysm

Rewritten: Banging For Fun Now Safer

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May02

Rewritten Headlines: Trump to PS3

by tonyd on May 2, 2011 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros:

I’m a bit of a news junkie and as a former Communications major (which is kind of like majoring in wasting your parents money) I follow the media quite closely. It’s interesting to see the spin. But I am a tactless, tactless bastard that has pissed off more people than AC Cooper has empathized with. Because of that, I have rewritten the top news headlines the way I think they should read.

Real: After Roasting, Trump Reacts in Character

Rewritten: Donald Trump: Continues to be a Douche

Real: NATO insists Gadhafi not target of airstrikes

Rewritten: NATO can’t fucking kill one guy

Real: Plans Advance to Breach Birds Point, Missouri

Rewritten: Hillbillies Continue to Live in Flood Plain

Real: A wedding day they, and we, will never forget

Rewritten: Rich family continues to pretend they matter

Real: Report:  California cities have worst air pollution in U.S.

Rewritten: Scientists report what people who breathe out West already know

Real: Sony Executives apologize for network security breach

Rewritten: Xbox Live is looking really sweet right now

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May01

Your Fratoscope: May 1, 2011

by tonyd on May 1, 2011 at 12:01 am

If your birthday is this week:  Your kung-fu is weak.  Better buy a gun.

Aries:  You will discover a cookie under the couch.  It’s a bit tangy and chewy, but you eat it.  That’s when your roommate will mention he tore off a scab and threw it around the same spot.

Taurus:  The stars say, you’ll get into a fight today.  Try not to worry.  You’ll be unconscious through most of it.

Gemini: The stars say, time for new gum.

Lemini:  You will lose one half pound.  Maybe next time, don’t hide your chronic in your roommate’s sock drawer.

Cancer:  Good news!  You didn’t get ketchup on your favorite shirt.  The bad news?  That ever widening red spot means you’ve been shot.

Leo:  You will cut a fart so smelly, your housemate will call the cops and demand your anus be arrested.

Virgo:  No, it’s not the pants.  You’re fat.  Put down the Twinkies and go for a walk, chubbo.

Libra:  You will make sweet love to a clerk at the Ace Hardware store, but he still won’t give you a discount on your paint.

Scorpio:  You will make sweet love to a very gullible customer.

Sagittarius:  You will finally not have a boring day watching the security cameras at the Ace Hardware store.

Capricorn:  The stars say, clean your gutters.  There’s nothing on TV anyway.

Aquarius:  You’ll be mugged, but after rifling through your purse, the mugger will return it and give you five dollars.  Maybe it’s time to get a job.

Pisces:  One of Donald Trump’s toupees will blow into your front yard.  You’ll be afraid to touch it because it kills the grass wherever it lands.

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Apr30

Frat Boy At the Movies: The Greatest Movie Ever Sold

by tonyd on April 30, 2011 at 12:51 am

Morgan Spurlock, the director of Super Size Me, is back with another interesting and thought-provoking documentary.  The Greatest Movie Ever Sold is a documentary about product placement in movies that follows Morgan as he raises the product placement for the movie you’re actually watching.

This behind-the-scenes look takes you through the corporate meetings as Spurlock examines how the media works and how the media impacts us.  It’s also sort of a non-narrative version of constantly raising the stakes.  Is he selling out?  Does this move justify it?  Does this?  Are we seeing entertainment or a 90 minute commercial?

Spurlock tries to keep it as subversive as possible and succeeds on several levels.  Super Size Me was a little cheekier, more personal.  Greatest is more refined.  Slick, but not too slick.

One of the most interesting moments is when he visits San Paolo and shows you how the city banned all outdoor advertising.  That footage alone is worth the price of admission.  After seeing the NYC skyline choked with ads, it’s weird to see a skyline completely devoid of them.  And, without the advertising, it seems that the vendors are forced to concentrate on better products, better service and word of mouth.  Interesting.

It’s definitely one to see and probably will have some fascinating extras on the DVD.  I say go see it.  I give the Greatest Movie Ever Sold 8.5 keggers out of 10.

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