Nov24

Rewritten Headlines: Mount Doom to Gas Blast

by tonyd on November 24, 2012 at 12:01 am

Invisibility Ring May Be Up For Grabs Again

Post Office Slowly Getting Shit Together

Bar For Med School Lowered

God Damned Sadist Writes Article at CBS

Car Thieves Worried About Looking Gay

Fatties Ignore Protest

US Really Paranoid

Critics Forced to Watch Shittiness

Hipsters Ruin Holidays by Constantly Pausing Things

Hottest Lap Dances Found

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Nov23

Frat Boy At the Movies: Lincoln

by tonyd on November 23, 2012 at 12:01 am

Based on the Doris Kearns book, Steven Spielberg directs this love letter to President Lincoln about passing the 13th Amendment.  Like most Spielberg flicks, the film craft is undeniable.  And with this cast, how can you go wrong?  Daniel Day-Lewis breezes through the role, coming off as a saintly, 1800’s Santa Claus that can do no wrong.

Backed up by the likes of Joseph Gordon-Levitt (who seems to be in everything now), Sally Field, James Spader, Hal Holbrook, Tommy Lee Jones, Bruce McGill (D-Day from Animal House) and Jackie Earle Haley (Rorschach from the Watchman), how could you go wrong?  That being said, it’s not a documentary.  The Tony Kushner screenplay portrays Honest Abe as being almost completely focused on ending slavery and the Civil War.  He almost dismisses his suspension of Haebus Corpus and the Union generals’ many missteps.   In this world, Lincoln is the only nice guy in the halls of power, balancing his presidency with raising his youngest son and keeping his wife, sane.

But like all good movies, the pacing is great and the two plus hours zip by.  And even though Lincoln is portrayed as being above the political skullduggery, it is still somewhat present.  It’s all for a good cause to free the slaves.  Seems to me, however, the movie comes off more like a play.  The big scenes, aside from the opening, aren’t all that big.  It probably could’ve been a TV movie on the History Channel.

I give Lincoln 7 out of 10 keggers.  I think it’s more of a rental, but you won’t be sorry if you see it.

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Nov21

Twitter in Focus: David Wain

by tonyd on November 21, 2012 at 2:04 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die.  Today’s contestant is an amazingly talented director and performer, David Wain.  He was in the State, directed Role Models and Wanderlust and does the voice of the Warden in Superjail.  I’m totally jealous of his career.  Let’s see if I’m jealous of his tweets.

@DavidWain

November 10th:  “At a mix session Sound Lounge in NY – there’s a secret woman hidden in the bathroom floor! pic.twitter.com/JoRbtbCU”

Hmm, not seeing her.

November 10th:  “There was some confusion about my bathroom face discovery – so here’s an explanation. pic.twitter.com/Shb0bj5m”

Oh, yeah.  There she is.  Kathleen Turner has never looked so lovely.

November 10th:  “Seeing @robdelaney at NYU tonight because @zandywithaz and I are fans of many of his tweets. ”

He’s been on my list for this column for quite some time.  Next week, definitely.

November 11th:  “I am literally FIRST in line for Skyfall #FWIW #findpleasureinsmallvictories pic.twitter.com/XX3hQlHu”

After seeing Skyfall, I think you’d rather be in line for the first one out of the theater.

November 11th:  “Skyfall was easily the most satisfying movie experience I’ve this year. Wins on every level. ”

Really?  Shocked to hear you say that.  I would so much rather see any one of your movies than Skyfall again.

November 15th:  “Louis LaFonda interviews me & the cast about how we dealt with Cutter’s death on Childrens Hospital SEASON FINALE tonight, 12mid, AdultSwim ”

I’m way behind on my CH.

November 15th:  “Oh and don’t miss @kevinpollak ’s bravura guest turn on tonight’s Childrens Hospital. ”

You get an insane amount of celebrities on that show.

November 16th:  “Review of tonight’s “Eulogy” | Childrens Hospital | TV Club | TV | The A.V. Club http://www.avclub.com/articles/eulogy,88770/ …”

Nice.

November 16th:  “A beautiful morning in LA pic.twitter.com/KuA1I4GF”

Uh, oh.  Looks like God is finally coming for the last Gabor sister.

November 17th:  “WetHotAmericanSummer camp-in Movie night in San Francisco – sounds super fun to me! http://www.missionmission.org/2012/11/16/camp-in-movie-night-featuring-wet-hot-american-summer-and-dinner-and-snacks-by-rice-paper-scissors/ …”

A cult classic.

November 19th:  “The Cook, the Waiter, his Busboy and his Roomate #LessInterestingMovies”

How did I miss this hashtag?  “Twilight Saga: Breaking Red Dawn”, “Life of Pie”, “Star Wars VII:  The Original Cast Needs New Mansions”, “Skyfall”, etc.

14 hours ago:  “Paul Rudd re vomit Top 10 on Letterman http://www.vulture.com/2012/11/paul-rudd-top-10-thoughts-during-grace-vomit.html?mid=twitter_vulture …”

Ha!  Nice!

Okay, let’s rate David’s tweets.  Not quite as insane as say, his hilarious video project, but hey, the guy is busy.  I give him a 7 for Insanity, 9 for Style and an 8 for Mustness.  That’s an overall score of 8.  Wain is genius and you should follow him.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.

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Nov19

Ten Things You Should Never Say to Your Professor

by tonyd on November 19, 2012 at 2:39 am

Professors are complicated.  They have a lot of free time on their hands and spend a lot of money on elbow patches.  Watch what you say if you’d like to pass the class.  Here are ten things you should never say.

1.  I don’t think you should be so judgmental about my paper.

2.  Hey!  I pay your salary!  Grade it again!

3.  No, I didn’t buy the book, I just took out the one in the library.

4.  If you don’t want me high in your class, then maybe you should be more interesting.

5.  Here’s five bucks and there will be five dollars more when my grade goes up.

6.  Your assigning another paper?  Dick move, bro.

7.  I know you’re a bad professor because I’ve been in this class for weeks and haven’t learned shit.

8.  I can watch Game of Thrones on my iPad and listen to you.

9.  I think my hangover should totally be taken into consideration for this term paper.

10.  Your penis is way smaller than I imagined.

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