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Oct07

What I’d Like to See Happen with the Government Shutdown

by tonyd on October 7, 2013 at 12:01 am

So here’s the thing: no matter what political stripe you have, be it Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Green, Anarchist or just one of those stubborn independents that defy labels, we all pay taxes.  So the question is, if we continue to pay taxes, what the Hell are we paying them for if the government is supposedly “shutdown”?  This is, of course, mostly a lie.

Saying the government is shutdown is kind of like saying the CVS is shut down when only the candy aisles are closed.  (They have a lot of candy at CVS.  I think the “C” in CVS must stand for candy.)  Anyhow, like a partially closed CVS, you immediately notice the candy aisle being closed because it’s right up front and chances are if you went in to a CVS, you probably wanted some candy.  If you needed some important medicine, the pharmacy is open.

So like the CVS, the government only shut down the really visible “unimportant” parts: monuments, national parks, NASA and, of course, medicine for poor people without their own lobbying firm.  This tells us one thing, the people “in charge” only shutdown the stuff they don’t care about.  And yeah, a few defense contractors aren’t getting SOME of their money, but that’s only because there are multiple factions of defense contracts and their allies in Congress.  So really, it’s fight between various corporations and their political tools.  Meanwhile, the same said contractors are taking advantage of the headlines to fire thousands of workers, while the wars and the surveillance grinds on.

It’s a mess.  And these people work for us?

This is what I’d like to see happen:  If you’re blaming either Republicans or Democrats, that’s just hype from cable TV news.  What the Congress is supposed to do is work for you.  As Jefferson once said, “When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”  And when I say “fear”, I don’t mean in the physical sense.  I mean that they should be fearful about losing their jobs and their political careers.

Consequently, I’d like to see the shutdown drag on.  And while the hype on cable TV news gets louder and louder, people start to tune it out and start finding new ways to fund and take care of people.  The essential medical care is taken care of by some fed up millionaires and billionaires who, up until now, were content to sit on the sidelines.  But now, they suddenly emerge.  They spend the money and make the changes.

Cable TV news, in its stupidity, covers it.  Not because it’s news or that they care, but because they attempt to spin it as another reason the government shut down is bad.  But people don’t see it that way.  They see it and start to wonder why the Hell are we paying these clowns in Washington to cut off this money?  The government is not collapsing and everyone that’s politically connected seem to continue to get rich.

Then, in 2014 during the election, there’s a shift.  Not from R to D or the other way around, but a real shift towards independent voters.  So fed up are people with Congress that they’ll vote for anyone else other than the big two.  Of course, the major two parties conspire to shut down any possible dissent.  The third parties could, at best, be spoilers, but the major two will have none it.

They come down hard on it.  Too hard.

Unlike the many previous times, the response is way too heavy handed.  Maybe there’s one election where the votes are so disputed, it drags through the court system for a few years.  A Democrat and a Republican caught together, rigging the election.  The media can help itself.  The ratings are too sweet, but over the next two years it eats away at the two party system.

Constituents, even the loyal ones, demand changes.  Switchboards light up, but Congress tries to ignore it.  With the blame game exposed as a fake dog and pony show, politicians begin to panic.  They start voting for bills that people actually want.  The vote to defund the NSA reemerges, but this time passes by a wide enough margin that it can’t be stopped.  The lame duck Obama presidency takes one last grab for glory by going to the diplomatic route.  With encouraging poll numbers from the recent talks with Iran, Obama finally pulls the troops out.

Defense contractors are in a panic, but the politicians up for re-election in 2016 are in an even bigger panic.  After watching some of their colleagues get hammered in 2014, they switch tactics and find new allies.  There are massive cuts at the Pentagon and while this doesn’t immediately solve the problem, this returns us to the level of semi-economic sanity not seen since Bill Clinton was in office.

Anyhow, that’s what I’d like to see happen.

└ Tags: Government Shutdown, political, politics, rant, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, What I'd Like to See Happen
Comments Off on What I’d Like to See Happen with the Government Shutdown
Oct06

Your Fratoscope: October 6, 2013

by tonyd on October 6, 2013 at 12:01 am

If your birthday is this week:  Your roommates throw you a surprise party, meaning that they have a party without you and you are surprised that you didn’t know about it ahead of time.

Aries:  You will find a keg that is dangerously full of beer.  Make sure you empty it before it explodes, hero.

Taurus:  Your Aries friend will get alcohol poisoning at a kegger.

Gemini:  You will vomit on a leprechaun and insist he still has to give you the gold, minus dry cleaning expenses.

Lemini:  You will be carjacked by a mime, but the joke’s on him, you were miming your car the entire time.

Cancer:  You will discover that you are a government experiment and now you have to be shut down.

Leo:  The stars say, eat right.  You don’t want to get the cannibals sick.

Virgo:  This week, you will get a haircut from a barber with an inner ear infection.  One side will be long, one side will be short, but he won’t know the difference.

Libra:  Your Xbox Avatar will break up with you.

Scorpio:  One of your Facebook pictures will become an Internet meme about getting laid in the most disgusting way possible.

Sagittarius:  All this week, you’ll have change for a twenty, but no one will ask you for it.  Then, bam, you’ll spend three bucks and someone will ask.

Capricorn:  Your attempt to learn how to bowl is thwarted at the China shop.

Aquarius:  After shaving your beard, they decide that the sham marriage should end.

Pisces:  You will have a sandwich that is badass and covered in rattlesnake bacon.

└ Tags: Aquarius, Aries, astrology, birthday, Cancer, Capricorn, comedy, fratoscope, funny, future, Gemini, horoscope, humor, Lemini, Leo, Libra, lol, Pisces, predictions, psychic, Sagittarius, Scorpio, Super Frat, Taurus, Tony DiGerolamo, Virgo, Your Fratoscope, zodiac
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Oct05

Ten Things I Expect From the Government Shutdown

by tonyd on October 5, 2013 at 12:16 am

1.  Congressional spa and massage center no longer finishing with happy endings.

2.  John Boehner’s tanning booth unplugged.

3.  Park Rangers at Independence Hall forbidden to tell anyone how nation was founded.

4.  American flag now one big white star on black background.

5.  Washington Lobbyists now forced to all wait in same lobby to bribe Congressmen.

6. Joe Biden no longer fed the treats that encourage him not to open his mouth.

7.  White House lawn all shagged and unmowed.

8.  Drones now run on Windows Vista.

9.  Republicans forced to come up with other ways to make poor people miserable.

10.  America’s costly and pointless wars now killing civilians at an alarmingly slower rate.

└ Tags: comedy, Congressmen, funny, government, humor, Independence Hall, Joe Biden, John Boehner, lobbyists, politics, Republicans, satire, shutdown, Super Frat, tanning booth, Ten Things I Expect, Tony DiGerolamo, Washington
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Oct04

Rewritten Headlines: Dog Poop to Robin Thicke

by tonyd on October 4, 2013 at 12:01 am

Government Buys Dog Poop

Nightmares Come to Life in China

Computer Nerds Fail to Account for NSA Surveillance

Website That Wastes Time, Makes No Money

Author Probably Murdered by Secret Government Cadre

Masturbation Material Sounds Pretty Good

X-Files Still Has Fans

Dumping Shit in Ocean Bad

State to Passing Meaningless Rule That Cops Will Ignore

Media Still Talking About Bullshit

└ Tags: bigfoot, China, comedy, computer, cops, current events, Dog Poop, FHM, funny, giant hornet, humor, nerds, News, nightmares, NSA, ocean, parody, Rewritten Headlines, Robin Thicke, Super Frat, Tom Clancy, Tony DiGerolamo, Twitter
Comments Off on Rewritten Headlines: Dog Poop to Robin Thicke
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