If your birthday is this week: You’ll be so high when everyone yells “Surprise!” at your birthday, you’ll just keep asking “What? What?”
Aries: You’ll get so blazed, you will eat all your Easter candy and some of the fake nest stuff at the bottom.
Taurus: The stars say, you’ll get so high, you’ll be looking down at them.
Gemini: You’ll get so baked, you’ll stare at the TV for 20 minutes before you realize it’s not on.
Lemini: You will smoke so much dro, you’ll go inside a photo booth and spend an hour confessing your sins.
Cancer: You will get so stoned, when you open the door for the pizza man, you’ll squeal, “Dude! How did you know I wanted pizza?!”
Leo: You will smoke so much weed, that while watching reruns of Sons of Anarchy, you’ll get freaked out when the police show up on TV and run out of the room.
Virgo: You will get so God damn wasted that you won’t let anyone else sign into the video game because you’ll insist on playing the introduction screen.
Libra: You will smoke so much chronic that you will smoke so much chronic that you will smoke so much chronic it will seem like everything keeps repeating like everything keeps repeating like everything keeps repeating.
Scorpio: You’ll get the Easter Bunny so high, he’ll finally have sex with you.
Sagittarius: You will get so ripped that you will answer your cellphone and spend two hours trying to hear the voice on the other end of your TV remote.
Capricorn: You will smoke so much bud that the smoke sets off your fire alarm, which causes you to immediately start throwing confetti around because you think you’ve won a prize.
Aquarius: You will toke so much of the herb that you stop a guy on the street, thinking he looks just like you and spend three hours talking to him only to realize that you’re standing in front of a very shiny window at CVS.
Pisces: You will get so buzzed, you will figure out how to terraform Mars, but actually just end up placing all your basement furniture into the stairwell.
