If your birthday is this week:  You will finally pass that ping pong ball and it will be the best birthday shit ever.

Aries:  You roommate finally returns your beer pong ping pong ball, so maybe you should’ve gotten him a birthday present.

Taurus:  You will discover that three hamburgers, a hotdog, 18 chicken wings, potato salad, colesaw and 12 beers taste way better going down than coming up while you’re swimming in the pool.

Gemini:  Your volleyball skills are so bad, you land a spike right into the middle of the barbecue destroying the ball and stamping the world “Wilson” in reverse on your cheeseburger.

Lemini:  The stars say, just act casual.  There are so many people at the family barbecue you crashed, no one will question who you are until long after your stomach is full.

Cancer:  Put on sunblock, you’re practically an albino.

Leo:  That ice you put in your drink is full of dirt because it was cooling the beers, the other cooler is the ice for the drinks.

Virgo:  You will drop potato salad into your aunt’s cleavage.

Libra:  It will rain, but only where you are.

Scorpio:  You will discover that having sex behind a pile of rental chairs isn’t adequate cover from the lifeguard and his cellphone camera.

Sagittarius:  You will discover a delicious tasty crab in your bathing suit, but he’ll get first bite.

Capricorn:  Your roommate will replace your sunblock with a delicious smelling marinade.

Aquarius:  Your friends will cheer you on at the top of the water slide, but only because your balls are hanging out your bathing suit.

Pisces:  You will enjoy tasty sushi and a truck rally:  You’re a complex person.