Fall is upon us and there’s nothing much to do. Shall I go into a nice warm movie theater and cuddle up to a container of overpriced popcorn? The answer is probably no.
Camp X-Ray: Kristen Stewart? Hmm, she was pretty good in the Runaways. But a main stream movie about Guantanamo Bay is going to split the difference between “It’s torture” and “Maybe it’s not torture”. So no, I don’t need some film maker to tell me torture “might” by torture. I’m out.
Before I Go to Sleep: The premise is built upon amnesia, which I think is always a weak, weak story choice. Plus, Nicole Kidman. Pass.
Horns: AKA: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Puberty. Looks like a Netflix rental at best.
Horrible Bosses 2: I liked the first one, but it was kind of a one-shot movie. You don’t have to beat to death every horse you get Hollywood.
Interstellar: Like the director, like the lead— Not very confident this will be a good story. I mean, either he finds the planet or he doesn’t. Either everyone on Earth dies and he fails (which would be a downer of a movie) or he finds it and everyone leaves with a hopeful feeling. That’s kind of the only options here. 2001 though, that was a surprise ending. Maybe I’ll rent this on Comcast or something, but at over $10 a ticket? No way.
Dumber and Dumber To: AKA: Jim Carey’s Career Reboot. You know, in the past, I’d go see this, but now… Eh. Again, it’s the money. It’s just not worth it for me. I’d rather watch some second run movie, at home for a tenth of the price. I mean, the first one was amusing, I can’t imagine this second one will blow me away. I can wait. My wallet can too.
Exodus: Gods and Kings: Talk about a movie that didn’t need a remake. Seriously, Christian Bale, you think you can top that? You’re a good actor, but… Nah. I’ll pass.
Annie: How many times are they going to make this fucking movie? No.
Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb: That they don’t have Ben Grant and Thomas Lennon on this thing— No, uh-uh. Not a chance. Suck it, Hollywood. I’m not paying for Ben Stiller’s new boat.
Jeez, I can’t even get motivated enough to hate on these movies. I’m going to really get myself angry and go watch The Walking Dead.
