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May28

Your Memorial Day Fratoscope

by tonyd on May 28, 2017 at 12:01 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  You get a lot of leftover barbecue supplies as gifts.

Aries:  You will meet someone new on the beach and fall in love, which is weird because they mug you.

Taurus:  You will eat a hot dog with a record number of mystery ingredients.

Gemini:  The stars say, your beer stand is impressive, but inappropriate at your grandmother’s.

Lemini:  Don’t keep looking for trouble, with your personality, someone’s bound to start a fight with you sooner or later.

Cancer:  Order the tacos.  You can’t go wrong with tacos.

Leo:  You will be cast in Fiddler on the Roof against your will.

Virgo:  Your Netflix an chill turns into Netflix and an argument about what the Hell is there to watch on Netflix.

Libra:  This week, you’ll be struck by at least three McNuggets in three separate incidents.

Scorpio:  Amazon preemptively labels all your purchases NSFW.

Sagittarius:  You will taste a new flavor of bicycle.

Capricorn:  Your grill skills come in handy when you run out of kerosene at the barbecue and are forced to turn the pool into a fire pit.

Aquarius:  Your pork intake will, once again, exceed your original body weight at the beginning of the barbecue.

Pisces:  You will try to Rock the Casbah, but the Casbah owners already fixed their foundation so that wouldn’t happen again.

└ Tags: Aquarius, Aries, astrology, Cancer, Capricorn, comedy, frat boy, funny, future, Gemini, horoscope, hotdogs, humor, Lemini, Leo, Libra, Memorial Day, Netflix, Pisces, predictions, psychic, Rock the Casbah, Sagittarius, Scorpio, signs, Super Frat, Taurus, Tony DiGerolamo, Virgo, Your Fratoscope, zodiac
Comments Off on Your Memorial Day Fratoscope
May27

Ten 80’s Movie Reboots That Shouldn’t Happen

by tonyd on May 27, 2017 at 12:56 am

  1.  Avenging Angel starring Chloë Grace Moretz.
  2.  The Beastmaster starring Ryan Gosling.
  3.  Blind Date starring Emma Stone and Seth Rogen.
  4. Cocktail starring Tom Cruise again.
  5. Death Wish II starring Javier Bardem.
  6. Iron Eagle starring The Rock.
  7.  Leonard Part 6 starring Kevin Hart.
  8. Mannequin starring Chris Pratt and Amy Schumer.
  9. Maximum Overdrive starring an all female cast that includes Melissa McCarthy.
  10.  The Cannonball Run starring the entire cast from This is End.
└ Tags: 80's movies, actors, Amy Schumer, Avenging Angel, blind date, cast, Chloë Grace Moretz, Chris Pratt, cinema, Cocktail, Death Wish II, Emma Stone, films, Iron Eagle, Javier Bardem, Kevin Hart, Leonard Part 6, mannequin, Maximum Overdrive, Melissa McCarthy, movies, Ryan Gosling, Seth Rogen, Super Frat, Ten Things That Shouldn't Happen, The Beastmaster, The Cannonball Run, The Rock, This is the End, Tom Cruise, Tony DiGerolamo
Comments Off on Ten 80’s Movie Reboots That Shouldn’t Happen
May26

Rewritten Headlines: Beer Pipe to Clown Murder

by tonyd on May 26, 2017 at 12:01 am

Germans Are God Damned Genius

New Government Hiree Bored With Job Already

Not That Nick Cage Movie

Bro, Not Cool

Satan Wants to Rework Deal

People Too Stupid to Assume Candy Full of Sugar

Yogi Goes Too Far

Legion Doom Holds Annual Meeting

Future Gun Owner Has Mishap

Trial is Total Horseshit

Freddy Krueger Freelancing

 

└ Tags: Amish, bear, beer pipe, bow, clown murder, comedy, current events, Donald Trump, Donuts, Freddy Kreuger, funny, Germans, government hiree, gun, headlines, horse shit, humor, hunter, Jelly Beans, Jelly Belly, Legion of Doom, Moonlight Bunny Ranch, News, Rewritten Headlines, Satan, sinkhole, sugar, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, Yogi
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May24

Twitter in Focus: Aries Spears

by tonyd on May 24, 2017 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die!  Today’s contestant is Aries Spears, comedian, MAD TV member and dead on rap impersonator.  Let’s see what he’s tweeting.

@AriesSpears

April 11th:  “Who wanna play me in nba2k wita head set ONLY cause I talk shit on the PS4! On line i.d. is mj23s-protojay send request I’ll accept”

Oh, man.  I would, but I hate sports game.  They need to add a laser pistol or something to that game.

April 11th:  “Dude let’s b honest if scientists could really do some Jurassic park shit u wouldn’t be curious as shit 2 see it live up close? I would!”

Until it ends up in my hotdog.

April 11th:  “The craziest part about Janet jacksons divorce is that dude is so rich he coughed up 500 mil & is still ok!”

Wow.  That’s some high priced MILF.

April 11th:  “Wow so @united needed to kick off 4 paying customers so that 4 of its EMPLOYEES who didn’t pay 4a tkt got 1st dibbs! Friendly sky’s my ASS!”

Flying is worse than the bus now.

April 11th:  “Greed with airlines is sickening how the fuck do overbook? They know how many seats they have & when it’s sold out.”

Yeah and they act like the people who bought all those extra tickets got a refund.  I don’t understand why they even need to overbook.

April 11th:  “If oj get out of jail he should start a business for dudes who bout to get taken in a divorce(& IM JUS JOKIN U KNOW WHO) ”

If OJ gets out, he should really just retire.  He gets like a 70K pension from being an actor.

April 11th:  “And to think all of that situation could have easily been resolved…..all that Pepsi on the flight SMH”

If the employees had to be on the plane so bad, can’t they just stand in that little room in the back?

 

April 11th:  “My residual checks r more than ur current pay! Step ya cubical game up”

MAD TV still pays?  Good for you.

April 11th:  “Oh shit he looking for celeb help! Put the dick/bat signal in the air”

Hecklers are on Twitter too, apparently.  

April 11th:  “When a dude tryin diss u but u catch’em wit a solid over hand rt & he give u dat boxer smile, like yeah good shot!”

Never enough for some people.

April 11th:  “Jadakiss Freestyle (He Goes In)trap rap need to understand this is what rap is, LYRICS!!! STEP YA GAME UP”

April 11th was apparently Twitter Day for Aries.

April 11th: “5 hours b4 I’m on wit real corey Holcumb man let’s go”

This is at least 1 tweet every 20 minutes.

April 11th:  “We starting late due to a power outage but I’m here bout to do the 5150 show wit @thecoreyholcomb let’s get it!”

The darkness will be good for your impersonations.  It’ll be like the actual rappers were there.

April 12th: “So on the 5150 show wit @thecoreyholcomb I touched dudes feelings so much he swung off on me w/o warning! Peep it lol bitch nigga”

Man, the hecklers are everywhere.

Okay, let’s rate Aries tweets.  Gotta give him an 8 for Mustness, a 9 for Style and a 10 for Insanity.  That’s an overall score of 9.  Follow Aries.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.

 

└ Tags: April 11th, Aries Spears, comedian, comedy, funny, humor, Insanity, Mustness, rating, review, Style, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, tweet, Twitter, Twitter in Focus
Comments Off on Twitter in Focus: Aries Spears
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