Super Frat

Jan15

Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies: Early 2018

by tonyd on January 15, 2018 at 12:01 am

I love movies, when they’re good. When they’re not, I avoid them. Why give bad studios more money, I say. Here now is Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies.

The Commuter: Taken on a Train. C’mon, anyone can write this one. “I don’t know who you are, but I have a certain set of skills…blah, blah, blah…” And Liam Neeson buys another house.

The Room: So, you want me to pay money for a movie everyone knows is bad? What the Hell is the car wash going to sell on VHS if you do that?!

12 Strong: AKA: Let’s Rewrite the War on Terror so we don’t look like assholes.

Den of Thieves: AKA: Bank Robbery Movie #3,489,627.

The Final Year: AKA: Let’s Pretend Obama is Still President for Two Hours.

Maze Runner: The Death Cure: Movies for teens who don’t know what good movies are like. Hard pass.

Winchester: Hollywood steals another idea from Alan Moore.

Fifty Shades of Freed: Women’s porn is apparently okay and profitable. Now that I’m single, there’s still not a hot enough woman that can make me see this movie.

Peter Rabbit: CGI Characters are cute! Yeah, haven’t seen THAT before. At this point, these movies should just have their own channel. What am I? 12? Of course I’m not seeing this!

Annihilation: Natalie Portman? I’m out.

The War With Grandpa: WTF happened to Robert DeNiro? Did he lose a bet?

All I can say is, thank God I have Netflix again.

└ Tags: 12 Strong, 2018, Annihilation, cinema, critic, Den of Thieves, Fifty Shades of Freed, film, Liam Neeson, Maze Runner: The Death Cure, movies, Obama, Peter Rabbit, rant, Robert DeNiro, Super Frat, The Commuter, The Final Year, The Room, The War With Grandpa, Tony DiGerolamo, Why I'm Not Seeing These Movies, Winchester

Comments Off

Jan14

Your Fratoscope: January 14, 2018

by tonyd on January 14, 2018 at 2:24 am

If your birthday is this week: Your cat throws you a surprise party, but the birthday cake is made out of tuna fish and dead mice.

Aries: You will be mugged for your fortune cookie fortune.

Taurus: The stars say, your robot will gain sentience and steal your car.

Gemini: Apparently the waiter will take your insulting tone personally, since your salad will be made mostly of green candy wrappers.

Lemini: You submission to Fail Army is rejected because apparently you can’t even screw up correctly.

Cancer: You’ll soon understand why you shouldn’t sit on a glass table, fat ass.

Leo: You will be made uncomfortable by a produce arrangement in the supermarket.

Virgo: This week, your Facebook account will be hacked so that all your stupid opinions no longer get posted.

Libra: You will drink a record amount of clam juice this week.

Scorpio: You’ll realize that having sex with the mailman to get free mail is pointless since you’re kind of a whore anyway.

Sagittarius: You’ll shit your pants, but in the best possible way: in the pants store!

Capricorn: You’ll find out your employer’s benefit package are nothing but coupons for Arby’s.

Aquarius: Your pole dancing is sexy, but inappropriate in the fire house.

Pisces: You’ll realize the “hoagie inspector” is probably not coming back with your sandwich.

└ Tags: Aquarius, Aries, astrology, Cancer, candy wrappers, Capricorn, comedy, facebook, Fail Army, funny, future, Gemini, horoscope, humor, Lemini, Leo, Libra, mailman, Pisces, pole dancing, predictions, produce, psychic, robot, Sagittarius, Scorpio, sex, signs, Super Frat, Taurus, Tony DiGerolamo, Virgo, Your Fratoscope, zodiac

Comments Off

Jan13

Tony D’s Rejected Comedy Samples: Talk Show Sample

by tonyd on January 13, 2018 at 12:45 am

So back in 2013, someone out in L.A. was trying to launch a new late night talk show. I tried out with these three jokes and a bit for the host to do. I don’t know. I thought they worked. Remember, these are from 2013.

Three Jokes and a Desk Bit

Written by Tony DiGerolamo

Syria has finally admitted it has chemical weapons. Russia has offered to dispose them properly, but the U.S. is insisting that it will be faster to let Lamar Odom smoke them.

Sharon Osbourne revealed today that she had a brief fling with Jay Leno. Jimmy Kimmel announced that he would also have a fling with Sharon, but it would be less funny and not as well received.

Atlantic City is hosting the Miss America Pageant after six years. City officials, who have been fighting the city’s image of being sleazy are so excited that they promise this time that the contestants’ hotel rooms will not be charged by the hour.

Desk Bit: Guy on the toilet who reads weird news stories. The host talks to a guy on a toilet who reads weird news stories. The host makes a joke about them, but the guy on the toilet strains every time he reads.