My Internet is out and I’m doing this over my phone and it’s a holiday, so forgive the brevity. Gotta get this out because my Internet provider (which rhymes with “Bombast”) can’t seem to get it’s shit together in a storm. So here’s Ten Things You Shouldn’t Do on Labor Day.
1. Serve non-alcoholic beer without telling your guests.
2. Hire a Santa for your barbecue.
3. Put ketchup on a hotdog. (If you do this, you are worse than Satan and Hitler.)
4. Close your pool before the weekend.
5. Make your employees attend your party.
6. Hold your Groundhog Day movie watching party, because that’s the wrong fucking day.
7. Get so drunk at your own barbecue that you forgot that you invited people over.
8. Go to the beach and spend the day inside.
9. Kill a bunch of people.
10. Celebrate at work.