Once again, bros, it’s time to look at movies and decide if they’re worth seeing. These days with movie ticket prices the way they are, why not? Here now is Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies.
Tommy’s Honour: A movie about golf? What could be more exciting?
The Circle: AKA: Evil Steve Jobs. I’m guessing this will be Hollywood’s late take on the Surveillance State. Looks dull as Hell to me.
King Arthur: Directed by Guy Ritchie? Slo-mo shots of sword fights to rock music, I’m guessing. I love Guy Ritchie and even I’m not going to see this in theaters.
Snatched: Amy Schumer’s sketch show as pretty good sometimes, this looks like a chick version of a comedy movie. There seems to be this discussion online about Schumer getting an unfair shake at comedy, but then, why doesn’t she do something cool? Her movies seem so relentlessly girly for no reason.
The Wall: What is this? An attempt to capitalize on Trump’s “wall” speech? Plus they’ve already made sniper movies set in WW2 where there was way more danger. Anyone believe Americans are going to be pinned down? All they need is a cellphone and boom! The drone takes out the sniper. Stop glorifying war, Hollywood.
Alien Covenant: Man, they ruined this franchise for me. Christ Almighty, let it die.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales: Ditto.
Baywatch: WTF? Seriously? A comedy? Who the fuck would pay for this nonsense? Is this just because they couldn’t pull together a real movie?
Holy fuck, these make the movies on Netflix look good.