Time for an update, bros!
If your birthday is this week: Your cosplay goes awry as Batman mistakes you for the real Joker and beats the shit out of you.
Aries: You will find out later that no one really cosplays a “Wallet Inspector”.
Taurus: You’ll see the new action figures. They’re action figures. Wasn’t that worth five hours and $50.
Gemini: The stars say, all that money you spent on comics could’ve been spent on hookers.
Lemini: You will discover that a homeless guy in a black t-shirt that says “Staff” and what looks like a walkie-talkie can get surprisingly far inside a Comicon before anyone stops him.
Cancer: You will stand in line three hours for the wrong Star Fleet captain.
Leo: You’ll come to the conclusion that ever panel you’ve attended is really just a self-promotional tool by comic book creators.
Virgo: You will walk around the floor of Comic Con telling comic creators you have no money.
Libra: You will stand at your Artists’ Alley Table complaining that fans have no money.
Scorpio: You and the rest of the con organizers will hurt your wrists counting all your money.
Sagittarius: You will discover that Brent Spiner is not willing to share his free convention hotdog with you.
Capricorn: You will eat the worst pizza in New York, but it’s still better than the crap they serve back in your town.
Aquarius: You will find true love on the convention floor, but get distracted by a seriously discounted Amazing Fantasy #15 and lose her in the crowd.
Pisces: You’ll see Stan Lee backstage backhanding Matt Fraction and screaming at him, “Who’s the King of Comics? Say it! SAY IT!”
1. A $14 hotdog.
2. A Jedi with a stain on his outfit.
3. 50 or 60 Harley Quinns.
4. Kevin Smith eating a $14 hotdog.
5. A guy on a scooter who won’t stop saying “Excuse me! Excuse me!”
7. A guy in a skintight Deadpool costume that hasn’t sufficiently hidden his junk.
8. Several local news guys covering the con by only interviewing children and people in costume.
9. A comic book dealer flipping through a comic book and ignoring his customers.
10. B.O. hanging like a haze in the Javitz Center.