Super Frat

If your birthday is this week:  You’ll drop your phone in an embarrassing place during your birthday party, but the doctors remove with hardly any scars to your butt.

Aries:  You will be beset upon by a group of angry crickets.

Taurus:  The stars say, never underestimate someone willing to sit through numerous farts during a meeting.

Gemini:  Your week gets interesting when someone replaces your conditioner with ranch dressing.

Lemini:   Your Tinder date refuses to give you directions to the restaurant until you let them out of the trunk.

Cancer:  You’ll accidentally staple two different parts of your body together…again.

Leo:   Your action figures come to life and lecture you for buying them.

Virgo:  Your achieve negative hits on your YouTube channel.

Libra:   This week, you’ll help several immigrants cross the border into Canada, where they will be given free healthcare and Maple Syrup.

Scorpio:  You will be filled with an unbridled lust for cream puffs.

Sagittarius:  Filling your pool with macaroni salad is cool and refreshing, until the flies come.

Capricorn:   Your cat will make some pretty risky stock maneuvers.

Aquarius:  For God’s sake, stop complaining about Game of Thrones!

Pisces:  The book that you co-wrote in about a week gets published on Amazon and you brazenly use your horoscope to advertise it.