Your Fratoscope: July 29, 2019
on July 29, 2019 at 12:01 am
If your birthday is this week: Your Amazon birthday cake will be delivered in 2-5 days.
Aries: You friends on Facebook will start talking to you again because you finally stop complaining about the ending of Avengers: Endgame.
Taurus: Your hopeful co-workers will keep throwing you a going-away party.
Gemini: The Amish Mafia leaves you a warning in the form of a newly raised barn that isn’t properly painted.
Lemini: Turns out, that granola you’ve been eating is actually kitty litter.
Cancer: You will get a phone call from a surprising place…your ass.
Leo: A troll will stop you on a bridge and pester you about saving money on long distance.
Virgo: You’ll get the world’s longest CVS receipt and spend most of the week waiting for it to print.
Libra: The Democrats will demand you testify about the Mueller Report because you once read an online article about it.
Scorpio: Your dry cleaner gives you back the wrong gimp suit.
Sagittarius: A co-worker will give you excellent financial advice while sexually harassing you.
Capricorn: You’ll realize that printing your own money has zero chance of working if you keep pointing out your picture is on it.
Aquarius: For the second time in a week, the aquarium reminds you there are no “samples” to try.
Pisces: The stars say, it’s going to be a good week, but you type your own horoscope so that might just be wishful thinking.
