Behold!  The psychic frat boy’s powers have been brought to bear on all who attended the Philadelphia Wizard World Convention!  Read your horoscope and know your future!

If your birthday is this week:  Keith Urban doesn’t care, he’s not coming to your birthday party and he’s not dressing up at Judge Dredd for it either.

Aries:  Your cosplay as “a guy buying comics” goes unnoticed.

Taurus:  Congrats!  You’re the 1000th Harley Quinn at the show!

Gemini:  Despite your child’s great monetary value, the dealer will not trade you for that Hammer of Thor you wanted.

Lemini:  Henry Winkler refuses to punch your broken jukebox.

Cancer:  You’ll realize several minutes too late that Wizard World doesn’t have a boob inspector.

Leo:  You’ll be asked to wait outside the con for a few minutes since it’s currently at Deadpool cosplay capacity.

Virgo:  Your panel on “Who wins in a fight the Incredible Hulk or Maurice from the IT Crowd?” runs surprisingly short.

Libra:  Natalie Dormer tells you that maybe you should talk to someone else about your emotional problems, since she can only give out so much advice in an autograph line and she’s an actress, not a licensed therapist.

Scorpio:  Turns out, that guy you had sex with is not Stan Lee, nor is he letting you write Spiderman.

Sagittarius:  Jim Steranko refuses to draw your Brony bullshit, no matter what you pay him.

Capricorn:  Turns out, the guy you spent an hour showing your portfolio to just works at the snack stand, but on the upside he likes your Captain America drawings.

Aquarius:  The security guards inform you that beating up another fanboy because he misgraded your comic, technically isn’t “fighting crime”.

Pisces:  You make a great deal of money, but lose it all in a crap game with Elijah Wood.