If your birthday is this week:  Your cake explodes, but the shrapnel is delicious.

Aries:  You will accidentally quit the Internet and have to start over by watching cat videos for six weeks.

Taurus:  The stars say, your dentist enjoys the smell of your breath a little too much.

Gemini:  Your robot will apply for a small business loan.

Lemini:  You will be outsmarted by a wheel of cheese.

Cancer:  Your lawn will become infested with leprechauns.

Leo:  You’ll brush up against a celebrity and catch Russel Crowe Syndrome.

Virgo:  Your pie will be delivered by an ancestor of one of the original stooges, but he just plates it for you.

Libra:  The usher isn’t hitting on you, you just never gave him your ticket.

Scorpio:  Your dating profile will get an STD.

Sagittarius:  You will enjoy a hilarious sandwich.

Capricorn:  Your significant other will remind you that they’re just a figment of your imagination.

Aquarius:  You will post something that starts an argument on Facebook, but ends an argument on Twitter.

Pisces:  You’ll be selling comics at the Jersey Shore Comic Book Show on Sunday, June 4th from 10 to 4pm in Smithville, NJ and spend the rest of the week counting your money.