If your birthday is this week:  You get a lot of leftover barbecue supplies as gifts.

Aries:  You will meet someone new on the beach and fall in love, which is weird because they mug you.

Taurus:  You will eat a hot dog with a record number of mystery ingredients.

Gemini:  The stars say, your beer stand is impressive, but inappropriate at your grandmother’s.

Lemini:  Don’t keep looking for trouble, with your personality, someone’s bound to start a fight with you sooner or later.

Cancer:  Order the tacos.  You can’t go wrong with tacos.

Leo:  You will be cast in Fiddler on the Roof against your will.

Virgo:  Your Netflix an chill turns into Netflix and an argument about what the Hell is there to watch on Netflix.

Libra:  This week, you’ll be struck by at least three McNuggets in three separate incidents.

Scorpio:  Amazon preemptively labels all your purchases NSFW.

Sagittarius:  You will taste a new flavor of bicycle.

Capricorn:  Your grill skills come in handy when you run out of kerosene at the barbecue and are forced to turn the pool into a fire pit.

Aquarius:  Your pork intake will, once again, exceed your original body weight at the beginning of the barbecue.

Pisces:  You will try to Rock the Casbah, but the Casbah owners already fixed their foundation so that wouldn’t happen again.