Your Fratoscope: March 12, 2017
on March 12, 2017 at 3:18 am
If your birthday is this week: You birthday cake will come in the mail.
Aries: You’ll bowl a 200 game, but get disqualified for picking up spares with your sidearm.
Taurus: You’ll drink enough Koolaid to turn your pee pink for a week.
Gemini: The stars say, lighten up. Your coworkers filling your lungs with packing peanuts while you nap is just a joke.
Lemini: You’ll find out the CIA is hacking your vending machine so you get nothing but Sprite.
Cancer: You will meet a little person, but he’ll insist you’re a giant.
Leo: The Tinder app will get you laid, but then demand $400 for “his bitch”.
Virgo: A girl scout will mug you for your wallet and then dump a box a macaroons on your head as you writhe on the ground in pain.
Libra: Work will take you to interesting places if you consider Chili’s in two different state interesting.
Scorpio: You will get laid in the last public phone booth.
Sagittarius: You’ll make an origami crane and lift a car out of a ditch with it.
Capricorn: The stewardess will insist you stow your gorilla suit for the duration of the flight.
Aquarius: Your next pizza topping will be Jelly Beans.
Pisces: You’ll follow the advice of the dog and eat that thing you found on the floor.
