Super Frat

If your birthday is this week:  You receive a suspicious amount of bunny-shaped chocolate as gifts, but don’t care.

Aries:  What you thought was a dead raccoon, rises up from the hole you buried him in and starts getting very preachy with the other raccoons.

Taurus:  Your Easter Egg Hunt goes horribly wrong, mostly because you held it too close to an endangered bird sanctuary.

Gemini:  A very confused leprechaun will fall down your chimney and attempt to carve your ham with some sharpened fireworks.

Lemini:   A drunken Easter Bunny will speed past your house, hurl eggs at your front door and scream, “Spring Break, bitches!”

Cancer:  You will realize that you’ve been eating Matzah bread that was left in your house by the previous owners and it tastes about the same.

Leo:  Your attempt to replace Easter candy with healthy alternatives cause several children to attempt to light you on fire.

Virgo:  Jesus returns, attends your Easter dinner, but spends the entire time giggling to this video on his phone.

Libra:  The stars say, that’s not chocolate you found on the ground, the neighbor’s dog just shits in egg shapes.

Scorpio:  Your Easter orgy goes over well, but the major complaint is that the fake, green basket grass irritates various orifices.

Sagittarius:  You wake up from your diabetic coma in the CVS candy aisle just like last year.

Capricorn:  The Easter Bunny’s wife will burst into your house screaming, “Where is he?!  Where is he?!”  She doesn’t stay for ham.

Aquarius:  When you roll away the cooking stone to see if your ham is cooked for Easter Dinner, a pig jumps out and runs away.

Pisces:  During your Easter Egg hunt, one of the eggs gets a hold of a gun and turns the tables on you.