Despite Crime, Baldwin Uncool

Annoying Entire Country Very Expensive

Local Store Sells Valuable Object for Next to Nothing

No One Wants Your Shitty Old House

President Fucks Around Despite Multiple Wars

Senator Looks to Have Ego Stroked Elsewhere

Hipsters No Longer Able to Bombard Twitter with Their Poor Photography

Fast Wrappers Soon to Fill Craters

White People Still Can’t Get Along

Chinese Toys Closely Examined

Malibu to Smell Like New Jersey for a While