Your Fratoscope: October 21, 2012on October 21, 2012 at 12:01 am
If your birthday is this week: You will discover that you cannot train a seeing eye dog to spot just a C-cup or above.
Aries: Your delusional dog will climb atop his dog house and pretend that he’s flying an airplane. Time to put him down.
Taurus: You’re not part of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force just because you deep fried your hand once.
Gemini: Drilling into your drywall this week will cause it to bleed. On the upside, you find the previous owner of your house.
Lemini: Ben Franklin will appear to you in a time machine he built and ask you to purchase him some future porn.
Cancer: After being bitten by a radioactive prostitute, you will gain the power to stay on your knees indefinitely.
Leo: This week, you’ll live your life-long dream of taking a dump in the White House, but maybe next time, wait for a bathroom.
Virgo: The Jehovah’s Witnesses will stop by your house and urge you to become a Catholic.
Libra: Your deep fried turkey sets fire to your garage. Next time kill it before your try and dunk it in the hot oil.
Scorpio: Your dildo designer resigns due to work exhaustion.
Sagittarius: The star say, go ahead and take that candy bar. What’s the worst that could happen?
Capricorn: You’ll watch another episode of the Walking Dead, but still, no zombie clowns.
Aquarius: Turns out, the tent city you’ve been living in for your Occupy Wall Street protest is just a camp ground.
Pisces: You will have some delicious cookies and that girl will get a clear message from your Mafia buddies.