Your Fratoscope: March 25, 2012on March 25, 2012 at 12:01 am
If your birthday is this week: Good news. The space debris will not hit you this week, but you will be suffering from Space Madness.
Aries: You discover that the pushy nun you met, was a dominatrix. That’s probably why she used you as an ottoman for an hour.
Taurus: The stars say, your next wrestling match will turn into a sensual adventure.
Gemini: You will wake up with the words, “This is mine!” written on your ass in lipstick.
Lemini: This week, you’ll notice the pork shoulder you’re eating has a tattoo on it.
Cancer: You will open your freezer and three penguins in camo gear will jump out yelling, “Go-go-go! No man left behind!” They will be carrying a bag of those frozen wings you like.
Leo: You will get punched by Justin Beiber. It won’t hurt and even you won’t be able to sue him for assault with a straight face.
Virgo: Your boss will demand your password to Facebook and that porn site you like.
Libra: You will walk in your cat masturbating to America’s Cutest Dog. Even he’s not a cat person apparently.
Scorpio: You will cut yourself shaving. Next time, be more careful around your genitals.
Sagittarius: You’ll get pulled over for speeding, but the cop lets you go. Not because you’re good at getting out of a ticket, but mostly because the cop doesn’t want to hear you explain why you have a full blown erection.
Capricorn: A homeless person will insult your wardrobe choices. The people on the street in the immediate vicinity will agree.
Aquarius: You will not only find out that your Congressman is corrupt, he’s also the one that’s been stealing your newspaper.
Pisces: Your new webcomic will delight fatties like yourself because it’s about food.